Learning the latest office lingo

IF YOU'RE about to lob a few thought grenades across the office, be careful they don't blow up in your face. A session of blamestorming could follow. It might sound like gobbledegook, but these are the latest lines in workplace lingo. A "thought grenade'' is an explosively good idea. This phrase became fashionable among office staff last year, as did the expression "let's sunset that'', which is used to refer to bad ideas that must never be mentioned again.

Every worker knows the pain of recriminations the day after a project has gone wrong. Now it has a name - "blamestorming". It means debating why a deadline was missed and who was responsible. Blamestorming is predicted to be one of the buzzwords of 2008, as is "boss-spasming'', which describes those moments of suddenly looking busy as the boss walks past.

The phrases are included in a collection compiled by British recruitment firm Office Angels. Some phrases are tricky. Daydreaming has been transformed into a far more complex activity: "workspacespecific perceptual abstraction". Lunch with a colleague sounds more important as an "inter-departmental liaison facilitation''.

But David Clubb, managing director of Office Angels, said phrases such as these may become globally popular but probably won't last. "While trendy jargon may be used as a short-cut, clear, simple communication will never go out of fashion,'' Mr Clubb said.

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THE NEWS

Lufthansa warns male passengers of carnival antics: "German carrier Lufthansa is to warn international passengers, men in particular, about the dangers of landing at airports on the Rhine tomorrow, the day women cut men's ties off and compensate them with an unexpected kiss. The airline said it would make announcements on its flights landing at Cologne/Bonn and Dusseldorf airports to prepare passengers for potentially traumatic encounters on arrival at the airports and later the cities themselves. Tomorrow falls six days before Ash Wednesday, which marks the start of Lent, and is traditionally the day in the Catholic parts of Germany when "Weiberfastnacht", one of the high points of the carnival season, is celebrated. Lufthansa spokesman Frank Puettmann said the company was concerned for the wellbeing of its international passengers. He recalled the case of a Japanese man who had his tie cut off shortly after arriving. "This customer promptly booked a return flight to Japan," Puettnam said.


China 'will stop the rain' for Beijing Olympics: "Chinese weather boffins say they have stopped the rain from falling in experiments aimed at guaranteeing a dry opening ceremony at August's Olympic Games. With no roof on the showpiece Bird's Nest stadium, the Beijing Meteorological Bureau has been charged with developing methods of preventing wet weather spoiling what promises to be a spectacular start to the Games on the evening of August 8. "Our experiments with rain mitigation have been aimed at light rain," said Zhang Qian, head of weather manipulation at the bureau. "With heavy rain it is more difficult. The results with light rain have been satisfactory."


Australian actors make much better American symbols: "The untimely death of Heath Ledger has not only robbed the acting world of one of its most promising talents, it has also robbed Hollywood of one of its Australian stand-ins for American machismo. Never mind the trade deficit, or even Barack Obama's "moral deficit"; Hollywood is suffering from a macho deficit, and it's having to turn to what many still perceive as a land of beer-swilling, sheep-shearing men in denim to find its cowboys and cads. When Hollywood first flirted with all things Aussie in the 1980s, it was a bit of a po-mo joke. "Look at Crocodile Dundee with his big shiny knife and taste for lager, how quaint!" laughed cinema audiences. It's no joke today. At a time when American stars have been feminised, preened and plucked, it's Australia that is providing the muscle for the grittier acting jobs. In recent years, the impressively brooding Ledger had joined Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman and Eric Bana as a real bloke who could play gruff cowboys, lascivious bastards or any other role that required the leading man to have hair on his chest."


Yikes! Nutty airline pilot: "An Air Canada flight between Toronto and London had to make an unscheduled stop in Ireland when the co-pilot fell ill and began acting strangely, reports said overnight. Flight 848 with 146 passengers on board was forced to land in Shannon today "for medical reasons", an Air Canada spokeswoman said. "The co-pilot fell ill during the course of the flight," spokeswoman Isabelle Arthur said, stressing the correct procedures had been followed. She would not confirm what ailed the co-pilot. But CBC television news said he had begun acting oddly, talking aloud to himself. He was admitted to a psychiatric hospital on arrival in Ireland, it said. "The passengers were never in any danger," Ms Arthur said, adding they were later flown to London on another plane."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:53 PM

 


One of the certainties

One day three women were at a beauty parlor talking about their husbands. The first woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his office, but when I called they said he wasn't there!''

''I know!'' the next woman says, ''Last night my husband said he was going to his brother's house but when I called he wasn't there.''

The third woman says, ''I always know where my husband is.''

''Impossible!'' both women say, ''He has you completely fooled!''

''Oh no,'' says the woman. ''I'm a widow.''







THE NEWS



Dog bites tot. Mother defends dog: "The mother has been at the centre of controversy today after The Daily Telegraph revealed that she was blaming the mauling on her two-year-old son's stupidity. Little Noah Newbold is lucky to have the sight in his left eye after being mauled by his family's 50kg mastiff-staffordshire cross. Deep cuts and scratches cover the left side of his face. But yesterday the toddler's mother, Alicia Cottier, said she was keeping the dog despite the attack because it had been provoked by her son pulling the dog's ears. "People are telling me I should shoot the dog, and as much as I love my son to death, I believe Noah was annoying her. I love the dog and she's part of the family," Ms Cottier said. Noah is nursing a range of painful injuries after being bitten on Monday night at his home at Booral in the Hunter Valley. Police attended the scene but said there no charges would be laid because the attack had occurred at the home of the dog's owner."


A denim kilt??: "The makers of a denim kilt that has proved popular across Europe are hoping to sell it to British construction workers. The craftsman kilt, designed by Marcus Jahnke, from the School of Industry Design, Gothenburg, has two nail pockets, a loop for carrying a hammer and a knife-holder. It is also available in high-visibility style. Jeff Adams, from Blaklader Workwear UK, the British arm of the kilt's Swedish manufacturer, said: "Because they are 100 per cent cotton they are very warm in winter. But they are also cool in the summer and provide a natural breeze."


One for Monty Python aficionados: "Speaking to the Los Angeles Times , John Cleese tells of a line that didn't quite make it into Life of Brian . As the eponymous hero haggles in a market, a gourd is broken. "I wrote the line, `Look, the piece of gourd that passeth all understanding'," he said, proudly. "It's a really great bad pun. The other Pythons have no sense of humour."


Soviet-style red-tape lingers on in Poland: "Red tape is preventing a Polish man from returning from the dead. Piotr Kucy, 38 and from the city of Polkowice in southwest Poland, was wrongly identified by authorities last August as a drowned man, only to show up a few days after his own funeral. Despite pointing out the fact that he was alive to government officials, Mr Kucy still remains dead in official records, stopping him from working and paying social insurance. But on the bright side, a local newspaper reported , he no longer needs to pay taxes. "We are nearly through January, and my documents still say I'm dead," Mr Kucy told Gazeta Wyborcza, adding: "It's a bit of a joke." But a registry office official was adamant about the situation. "This citizen does not exist," she told the paper."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:13 PM

 


Interesting questions

CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

WHY DO WE FIRST CHOP A TREE DOWN AND THEN CHOP IT UP?

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO 'PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN'.. BUT IT'S ONLY A 'PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS'? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING?

WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?

WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?

HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY 'SLEPT LIKE A BABY' WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?

IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

WHY DO PEOPLE PAY TO GO UP TALL BUILDINGS AND THEN PUT MONEY IN BINOCULARS TO LOOK AT THINGS ON THE GROUND?

WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.

WHY IS 'BRA' SINGULAR AND 'PANTIES' PLURAL?

WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?

IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO-ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?






THE NEWS

Israeli High Court says black Christians may be Jews (!): "The government must reexamine the eligibility for immigration of thousands of Falashmura and allow an additional 1,500 to move to Israel, the High Court of Justice ruled last week. This decision constitutes a serious blow to the government's plan to end immigration by the middle of this year of members of this community, who claim Jewish ancestry despite conversion to Christianity over the years. "Justice has been done," said Avraham Nagosa, who heads an umbrella organization for Ethiopian immigrants..." (Via Immigration Watch International)


Guatemala: Unborn baby saved after mother shot dead: "Hospital medics rescued an unborn baby by caesarean section after its mother was shot to death in the middle of a fight between rival gangs. Seven-month pregnant Karla Vega Rafael, 19, died on the way to the San Juan de Dios hospital after being shot in the neck during a gang battle in the Amparo II district just northeast of the capital last night. Medical personnel saw that the fetus still had vital signs and rushed to save the boy, doctor Tegualdo Gaete said. The infant suffered heart failure not long after birth, but was revived and remains in stable condition after being placed in an incubator and on a ventilator."


Medical students get the most sex: "Medical students have sex with more people than students of any other discipline, a survey has found. A survey of more than 1000 students at Cambridge University found those studying medicine had an average of eight sexual partners in their lives so far. Student union president Mark Fletcher told student newspaper Varsity the results came as no surprise. "It's obvious that the mathematicians haven't found the winning formula yet," Mr Fletcher said. "But it's good to see that doctors and nurses is still a popular game." The poll, which was carried out by the newspaper, found theology students had the fewest number of sexual partners with two. Political science students had seven, while those studying history had six partners. Those enrolled in language courses averaged five sexual partners. But don't worry if you are not the brightest student - the survey found poor performers tended to have a higher than average number of sexual partners."




Naked passengers: "German holidaymakers will be able to indulge their love of naturism by taking to the skies nude on special flights being launched this year, a travel company said overnight. "In the former East Germany, naturist holidays were a much-loved way of spending the best weeks of the year," said the founder of OssiUrlaub.de, Enrico Hess. "We want to make that freedom possible above the clouds too." The flights are aimed specifically at former East Germans, nicknamed "Ossis" in German, who feel nostalgic for the naturism that was authorised and extremely popular under communist rule. The first nude flights will be a day-trip on July 5 between Erfurt in southeast Germany and the Baltic Sea island of Usedom, which is fringed by white sand beaches. Tickets cost $838 and there are just 50 seats on board the jet. "All the passengers will fly naked, but they are only allowed to undress once they are in the plane. But then they will be able to enjoy the hour-long flight in the way God intended," Mr Hess said. The pilot and the flight attendants will however keep their clothes on."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:35 PM

 


Very punny

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose entire left side was cut off? Well!!! He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell into wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The geology professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes in verse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done







THE NEWS

Anger management teacher gets angry: "A Cloverdale Middle School anger-management teacher resigned after he broke a student's finger during what began as horseplay, school officials said. Scott Porter recently broke an index finger of Jordan Mundy (pictured) as they were wrestling each other during an anger-management class, Jordan and the school's principal said. "It did start off as kind of a fun horseplay type of incident. Whether or not somebody got angry during that altercation is what is in dispute right now," Principal Charles Bollinger told 6News' Rick Hightower. The Putnam County prosecutor's office will decide whether to file charges against Porter, and Jordan's mother said she plans to sue the teacher, Hightower reported. "He's going to wish he never broke Jordan's finger," said the student's mother, Michelle Britton."





Family hid behind hay bales for years: "A British farmer built an entire mock castle behind a screen of hay bales and lived there concealed for four years to evade planning regulations. Robert Fidler hoped to take advantage of a provision of planning law that allows buildings without planning permission to be declared legal if no objections have been made after four years. But Reigate and Banstead Borough Council in the southern English county of Surrey was not impressed. "It does not count because the property was hidden behind hay bales,'' a spokeswoman said. "No-one knew it was there.'' The council wants the building near Redhill about 30 km south of London to be demolished, along with an associated conservatory, marquee structure, wooden bridge, patio, decking and tarmac racecourse."


Ring found after 67 years: "It was just a lovers’ tiff. The couple quickly kissed and made up and their wedding went ahead as planned. But Violet Booth, née Bailey, never forgot that day in the summer of 1941, because that was the day that she threw away her engagement ring. Now her grandson has found it, in perfect condition, using a metal detector. It took Leighton Boyes only two hours to find the ring in the field where it had lain for 67 years. Mrs Booth, 88, wept as she put it back on her finger. Her husband, Samuel, died 15 years ago. The couple were out walking in the countryside in Leicestershire when they had their fateful disagreement. Miss Bailey hurled the ring into a field in a fit of pique. Later they got down on their hands and knees and desperately sifted through the soil in search of it, to no avail. Before going on to marry they bought a replacement. She said: “I was in such a state when we couldn’t find it. Samuel didn’t tell me off - he wasn’t like that. We got a new one, but it’s not the same, is it?” Her vivid memories helped her to pinpoint the field when her grandson offered to search for the ring."

Tea to the rescue at chaotic British airports: "Amid the frustration and delays of airport immigration halls a new beacon of welcome could soon make travellers feel a little more welcome: a Tory MP has tabled a motion calling for the introduction of traditional tea trolleys. The idea was suggested to Michael Fabricant, MP for Lichfield, by Mark Price, the managing director of Waitrose. “I have travelled quite widely and I don’t think that any country offers this,” Mr Fabricant told The Times. “It would be a world first.” He said that he was sure that foreign tourists, as well as British passengers, would appreciate the service. “It wouldn’t do the Government any harm to compensate people for the long waits they’re now experiencing at passport controls,” he added. Mr Price said: “I do a lot of foreign travel and I have been progressively disappointed with how poor it feels when you return home. The whole experience is pretty bleak. I thought wouldn’t it be nice if, when you arrived in the UK, you were greeted with a nice cup of tea.” Tea ladies would be chosen for their cheerfulness, the pair said."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:20 PM

 


Decisions, decisions

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway.

You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this. 'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want.

But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting a new kitchen.'







THE NEWS

Middle class Brits now big boozers: "Office toffs are knocking back more alcohol than stereotypical boozers like labourers, new statistics from the UK show. Executives managed to down more drinks each week than any other category of worker, figures from the UK's Office of National Statistics revealed. According to the data, "managerial and professional" workers drank an average of 15.1 standard drinks a week in 2006 - compared to 14 for "intermediate" employees and 11.6 for manual labourers. Overall, men consumed an average of 18.7 standard drinks each week, more than double the amount downed by women. Men who had scored top jobs knocked down 19.9 drinks in an average week while male labourers consumed just 16.7 in a standard seven-day period. A spokesman for UK charity Alcohol Concern told The Independent drinking had undergone a transformation in the lifestyles of average Brits. "Over the last 20 years middle-class families particularly have moved alcohol from the fringe of their lives to the centre of it," Frank Soodeen told the newspaper."


Woman's House Mistakenly Torn Down by Construction Workers: "Returning home after an absence can mean unpleasant surprises - a leaky roof, a pet's mess, even a break-in. But a Russian woman got a nastier surprise when she returned from her country house: her home was gone, torn down mistakenly by construction workers clearing a site, according to a report Thursday on NTV television. "There was nothing left, not even a log," Lyudmila Martemyanova said, bundled against the cold and standing on a snow-covered lot in the center of the Volga River city of Nizhny Novgorod. A local prosecutor, Nikolai Govorkov, said a construction company tore down the wrong building - Martemyanova's, instead of one nearby that was marked for demolition."


Sunken treasure of silver now a court battle: "The playground legal principle 'Finders keepers, losers weepers' is being put to the test in an international dispute over what could be the richest sunken treasure ever found: 17 tons of silver coins brought up from a centuries-old shipwreck. A Florida treasure-hunting company, Odyssey Marine Exploration, found the wreck at the bottom of the Atlantic and argues that the age-old law of the high seas entitles the finders to most or all of the booty, said to be worth around $500 million."




GI Jill Stevens swaps helmet for tiara: "A soldier in the American army became the first veteran of a combat zone to compete in the Miss America beauty pageant last night. Sergeant Jill Stevens, 24, known to her comrades as "GI Jill", is a tomboy who has always been more interested in football than make-up. When a friend suggested she try for a Utah beauty pageant title, her first reaction was to burst out laughing. "There's no way!" she said. "I wear combat boots, okay? I don't do heels." She went on to win the Miss Utah title at her second attempt. Stevens, a qualified nurse, has served in the National Guard for six years and was deployed to Afghanistan at the age of 20. She was based for a year at Bagram, near Kabul, as a combat medic, and has since become involved with a charity for Afghan children. Stevens says being a beauty queen is as tough as being in the army as "it's difficult being a lady".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:43 PM

 


Some short bursts of wisdom

Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students. - Robin Williams

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack. -- Demetri Martin

Fortune favours the prepared.

If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. -- Dave Allen

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -- Margaret Thatcher

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. -- General George Patton

If at first you don't succeed, the skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

There are 2 types of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.

I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. - Katherine Hepburn

Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.






THE NEWS

Callous woman gets heavy sentence: "A drunk-driver who killed a cyclist has been sentenced to ten years in prison in the US, after the judge heard a recorded jail conversation in which she laughed about "taking out a tree hugger, a bicyclist, a Frenchman and a gay guy all in one shot." Melissa Arrington, 27, a barmaid and exotic dancer from Tucson, Arizona, could have received as few as four years behind bars after she killed cyclist Paul L'Ecuyer while driving under the influence on the night of December 1, 2006. Instead, she was sentenced to 10 years - one year shy of the maximum prison term for negligent homicide - after the judge heard a telephone conversation between her and a male friend one week after L'Ecuyer was killed. During the conversation, the man told Arrington that an acquaintance believed she should get a medal and a parade because she had "taken out a tree hugger, a bicyclist, a Frenchman and a gay guy all in one shot." Arrington laughed. When the man said he knew it was a terrible thing to say, she responded, "No, it's not." Superior Court Judge Michael Cruikshank said the conversation was "breathtaking in its inhumanity."


Cops claim winning lottery ticket as proceeds of drug sale: "Police in Ellsworth, Maine, are trying to confiscate a drug suspect's winning lottery ticket because they say it's the proceeds of a crime. Michael David, 46, was charged with selling an undercover cop four 10-mg methadone pills. He's accused of pocketing $60 during the sale, and police say he used part of the proceeds to purchase a lottery ticket that was worth $1,000. "I guess it will be up to a judge to decide, but it's in our possession right now as proceeds from a drug transaction," Ellsworth Police Chief John Deleo tells"


Hair robbers strike again: "Hair thieves have sruck again in Brazil,this time targeting a woman who had not cut her tresses for two decades. It is believed the hair, cut from the heads of women in lightning attacks, is being sold to wigmakers for high prices. In the latest attack, in the northern city of Aracaju, two men on a motorbike grabbed a housewife and used a machete to cut off her 1.5m-long hair. The woman told police she was walking to church when she was assaulted late on Tuesday, police officer Antonio Williams da Silva. "She was an evangelical and said she hadn't cut her hair for 20 years," Mr da Silva said. "A hairpiece that size could cost you as much as 1000 reals ($600)," Mr da Silva said. Similar attacks have occurred in other Brazilian cities"


Wife shocked to death during sex: "A husband who used an electrical cord to stimulate his wife during a night of "bizarre sex" allegedly gave her a deadly shock. Toby Taylor first said his 29-year-old wife, Kirsten, was shocked by a hair dryer. But when police found burns on her body, Mr Taylor told police that he had clipped an electrical cord to his wife and plugged it into a power strip which he then turned on and off, the Associated Press reported. Mrs Taylor was found unconscious on Thursday night at the couple's Pennsylvanian home. She was taken to York Hospital, where she was pronounced dead. Mr Taylor, 37, who was jailed yesterday on $120,000 bail for involuntary manslaughter and reckless endangerment charges, reportedly told authorities that he had used the technique on his wife in the past. York Country coroner Barry Bloss said it was a case of "bizarre sex". "I have never seen anything like this," Mr Bloss said.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:18 PM

 


Translating the past in Britain

When today's children sing, "the conductor on the bus says 'move along please'", do they know what they are singing about? What about "tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor"? Our developing economy means that many of the jobs named in children's stories and nursery rhymes have died out. Here are a few of them.



Anyone over 30 will find it shocking that most children singing "The Wheels on the Bus" have no idea what a bus conductor is. Conductors have been abandoned as the old double-decker Routemaster buses with the entrance to the rear and the driver in a cabin have been replaced. Now, passengers enter at the front of the bus and pay their fare to the driver - or they pay electronically by waving a card in front of a machine. By the early eighties, conductors were a rare sight outside London, but it was not until late 2005 that the final full London route stopped using the Routemaster. You can still find them running on two "heritage" routes in central London

MAD HATTER: The mad hatter is one of the most familiar characters in children's literature as the host of the surreal tea party in Lewis Carroll's "Alice in Wonderland". While there are still hatters, it is to be hoped that fewer of them are mad. Indeed, the notion of being "as mad as a hatter" pre-dates the 1865 publication of Lewis Carroll's book and is a result of the mercury poisoning suffered by many hatters. The top hats favoured by the mad hatter would have been made from animal furs. Top quality hats were made from beaver fur, but inferior ones used cheaper furs such as rabbit. The inferior furs had to be treated at an early stage of the process with a mercury compound, usually mercurous nitrate. Mercury poisoning is now known to cause brain damage, as well as kidney damage. The use of mercury in the felt industry was banned in the US in December 1941 while the European Union more recently banned the mercury from its most everyday use - in thermometers.

BAKER'S MAN: Traditionally, the baker's man was the chap in the bakery who did all the heavy work such as carrying around the bags of flour and kneading the dough. No master baker would want to knead his own bread dough because it was very hard work. As bakeries have become more automated, the number of menial tasks has reduced such that there are very few people in Britain who would refer to their job as being a "baker's man". This does beg the question, however, of why one would ask the baker's man to bake a cake, rather than asking the baker himself.

TINKER: "Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man, thief", is a rhyme used for counting pips or stones from fruit. Most of the jobs are familiar, except for the tinker, although being a rich man or poor man is more the outcome of a job or a lack of one than a career in itself. A tinker was a travelling mender of pots and pans and general metalworker. Their job title is also preserved in the notion of something being worth as little as a "tinker's curse", or "tinker's damn". Tinkers had a reputation for swearing a lot so it was felt that their profanity had little value. There is some disagreement about whether the phrase should be a "tinker's dam", referring to the material placed around something to be soldered so that the molten metal would not spill. The "tinker's dam" then had to be disposed of, making it worthless once it had been used."

PIEMAN: Street traders selling food from trays used to be a common sight, especially at fairs, which would have provided great opportunities for them. So it would have been no surprise to Simple Simon that he found one of them selling his wares. You are less likely to see the traditional pieman carrying his tray around a fair or outside a bakery nowadays, although the rise of farmers' markets means you might well find one manning a stall. Nonetheless, if you do an online search for pieman you are as likely to find the Photonic Integrated Extended Metro and Access Network, a research project trying to achieve cheaper broadband bandwidth, as you are to find somebody actually making pies.

OTHERS: There are plenty of other jobs that children hear about but are either rare or no longer exist. There are few people left with the lifestyle of the Miller of Dee (who cares for nobody if nobody cares for me). Is there still a muffin man living on Drury Lane? You would have little trouble finding a butcher or baker, but does anybody still have a business card describing themselves as a candlestick maker? Has the father of Tom, Tom the piper's son now joined a beat combo?

Original here








THE NEWS

Australian hotel delivery was a real eye-opener: "A Hobart hotel guest received an unusual courier delivery on Tuesday night: a box containing a human eye. The foam box marked "Live human organs for transplant" was delivered by mistake by an unwitting taxi driver. Hotel worker Gabriel Winner says the agitated guest brought the esky to reception early yesterday morning. "The guy left me with a box with an eyeball in it," he told the Mercury newspaper. "He got the box and signed for it and opened it in the middle of the night. "I thought, this is just too weird. I went and put it in the fridge because I didn't know what else to do with it. It was more than a little disconcerting." A courier soon arrived to retrieve it. Tracking records for the consignment number on the esky confirmed Australian Air Express picked the package up in Brisbane shortly before 4pm on Tuesday. It was dropped at the hotel at 9.40 that night. An Australian Air Express spokeswoman confirmed a "failure in an internal handover process" which meant the taxi driver was given the wrong package to deliver. Queensland Health spokeswoman Penny Geraghty confirmed the incident but said tissue from the eye was successfully transferred to a patient yesterday morning. "Nobody missed their operation. The tissue wasn't compromised," she said."




Virgin unveils space ship model: "Within a few years, a handful of rich tourists may be blasting into space in a craft that looks a little like a cross between the space shuttle and a corporate jet. British billionaire Richard Branson and the aerospace designer Burt Rutan have unveiled a model of SpaceShipTwo, the vehicle they hope will be able to take passengers on suborbital joy rides, sheerly for the fun of it, with test flights beginning as soon as this year. "Breathtakingly beautiful," was Branson's assessment of the ship, which is now under construction at a hangar in the Mojave Desert. Speaking to reporters at the American Museum of Natural History, the pair also showed off a model of the big, four-engine jet that will help launch the craft into space. The twin-fuselage airplane, called the White Knight Two, will carry SpaceShipTwo high into the sky beneath a single 42.6-metre wing. The spacecraft would then separate from the plane and rocket into suborbital space, where as many as six passengers and two crew members could unbuckle themselves and experience weightlessness and an unparalleled view before gliding back to Earth. Passengers would get about four and a half minutes of zero-gravity time, floating about a ship roughly the size of a Falcon 900 executive jet, before returning to their seats."


Call to lift haggis ban: "The Scottish Executive is calling on the US to lift its ban on the import of haggis. The 249th anniversary of Robert Burns's birth is celebrated on Friday, but Americans are unable to eat Scottish haggis because of a 19-year ban linked to the BSE scare. The Food Standards' Agency has said that haggis poses no risks.


Sex sends Brits broke: "One in four people who contacted a debt helpline last year admitted that some of their financial problems were caused by spending money on sex, a report showed today. The UK Insolvency Helpline said sex industry spending was now the third most common reason for people to get into debt after spending on alcohol and drugs and having a shopping addiction. The group said 10,251 clients, the equivalent of one in four people aged between 25 and 49, it helped between January and September last year admitted they had paid to see pornography or visited a lap dancing club or brothel. It said sex addiction could have a wide-ranging impact on people's finances with some running up high levels of debt paying for prostitutes or visiting lap dancing clubs, as well as by subscribing to pornographic internet sites or running up huge bills on premium rate telephone sex lines."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:02 PM

 


MOTHER OF ALL NIGHTMARES

Last night I had a nightmare. A really bad one. It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one I could imagine. In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling and discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised. Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo and it was that same color. Black. No, no, God no, it can't be. I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it was a wheelchair.

That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled. I said aloud to myself "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black, Jewish and disabled." "It's the pure and holy truth" whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my boyfriend. Just what I needed. I am a homosexual and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend.
Oh, my God. Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict and HIV positive.

Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and oh, noooooo. I'm bald. The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of garbage. Any job." Mom? Dad? Nooooooooo. Now I'm also an unemployed orphan.

I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV positive, bald and an orphan. But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand. With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty town full of cardboard and tin houses. There is trash everywhere.

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker. Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid and having a bad heart, I live in a junky neighborhood.

At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says "Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for next November? Hillary or Obama?"

Oh, no! Say it isn't so. I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please don't tell me I'm a Democrat!!!






THE NEWS



A human "pet": "A bus company has apologised to a girl who is led around on a leash by her boyfriend and describes herself as a human pet after one of its drivers threw her off a bus. Tasha Maltby, 19, told British newspapers she was the "pet" of her 25-year-old fiance Dani Graves. Pictures showed her dressed in black Gothic-style clothing with silver buckles on a silver chain -- which the driver of a bus from the firm Arriva took exception to. She told the Daily Mail on Wednesday she was thrown off and told: "We don't let freaks and dogs like you on." Arriva would not comment on specifics but said it apologised if the couple felt they had been discriminated against. It added, however, that the driver was worried about safety and the company told Maltby to take the leash off in the future. "We have spoken to the driver who has talked about health and safety," a spokesman said. "Should she be attached to a chain and something happens on the bus, that could be dangerous. All we are saying is that she is very welcome to use the buses but not when she is on her lead." Maltby -- who lives on state benefits and got engaged in November -- said her choice of lifestyle might seem unusual but was harmless."


Crook ransacks home, calls a cab for getaway: "A British burglary victim has voiced disbelief at a thief's "unbelievable" cheek in calling a taxi from her ransacked home to make his getaway. Cardiff Crown Court jailed Gareth Waith, 22, for three years after he admitted stealing thousands of dollars worth of goods from neighbour Katie Battiscombe's house in the Welsh capital when everyone was out. Having stuffed mobile phones, a DVD player, a laptop computer, a television and computer games into a holdall and some refuse bags in the Halloween raid last October, the burglar then used the house phone to call a cab. "I couldn't stop laughing when I found out,'' Ms Battiscombe, 24, told the South Wales Echo regional newspaper. "The nerve of some people is just unbelievable. The thought of him calling a taxi from my house phone and then just sitting on my wall with all my stuff, waiting for it to arrive, is just ridiculous.'' Waith was caught because he left fingerprints behind".




Historic car: "An Alfa Romeo sports car that once belonged to Benito Mussolini is expected to fetch nearly 1 million pounds at auction. Mussolini had the 100mph dark red two-seater 6C 2300 Pescara Spyder built in 1935. He had the engine tuned from 68bhp to 95bhp and it was driven in the 1936 Mille Miglia, the road endurance race round Italy, by Mussolini's chauffeur, the former Alfa Romeo test driver Ercole Boratto. The auctioneer, H&H Classic Auctions, has placed an estimate of 600,000 to 800,000 pounds on the car for the sale at Cheltenham next month."


Determined thief foiled by mud: "A determined thief was arrested Saturday morning after getting his stolen 4WD [SUV] stuck in mud, and using a stolen tractor to try and retrieve it. Police were called to the farm house on Woodlands Road, Bowen about 12.30am where the man had allegedly threatened two residents with a weapon. The man had allegedly stolen a 4WD earlier from a Mackay address and had bogged the car in mud outside the Bowen house. After cordoning off the area and evacuating nearby residents, police swooped on the man as he tried to pull the bogged car out with a tractor about 4.30am. The man was charged with burglary"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:56 PM

 


The new religion








THE NEWS

Born in the toilet: "Here's a strange story. It's reported that 23 years ago a 17-year-old girl named Brita surprisingly gave birth to a son in the toilet. Brita thought she had an upset stomach but, instead, she was unknowingly pregnant. Somehow the birth was discovered by the media and became front page news throughout the nation with the headline "Gave Birth to Son in the Loo." Imagine the teasing the boy was destined for. Well, the story doesn't end there. It seems that the boy, now 23-year-old Robert Midtrud, who started in the toilet, recently completed requirements to become a plumber. What irony?"


Germany:'Theft-proof' police car stolen: "A high tech, theft-proof 75,000 pounds police car was stolen in Berlin - after officers left it unlocked with the key in the ignition.The special BMW, which features high-tech surveillance equipment and sophisticated electronic locks and immobilisers to make it theft proof, was the pride of the Berlin police force."




Carnival: February in Rio de Janeiro is recognised as the daddy of all festivals. Brazilians know how to party with style and more than 500,000 foreign visitors also pour in to join this wild four-day samba celebration. It begins with the crowning of the Fat King, who is presented with a giant silver and gold key by the city mayor. Then it's on with parades, parties and fun, fun, fun in the streets and squares, bars, clubs and cafes. Best of all, it's free. This year the action starts on February 2."


Gulag tourists line up for 'KGB beatings': "An adventure park offers a journey back to the Soviet Union with KGB interrogation methods and "beatings" with a leather belt. The 1984 Soviet Union theme park is located outside the Lithuanian capital Vilnius in an old bunker which served as a secret TV station in case of a nuclear attack. Visitors to the park pay to be "beaten, interrogated and shouted at" by tour leaders dressed as agents of the Russian secret police, the KGB. Throughout the Cold War, the KGB became increasingly obsesses with hunting down allegedly ideological subversives in the Soviet Bloc. Most dissidents were sent to gulags for indefinite periods. Organisers say they wanted to show life under Soviet rule. For those old enough to remember, the two-hour tour can aid in the healing process. "There are still many people in Lithuania who are sick with Soviet nostalgia so we've started this show to help them recover," a spokeswoman for the park told Reuters."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:37 PM

 


Best pics

Every now and again, I gather together what I think are the best pictures that have appeared on this blog in previous months. You can see the latest collections via this link. You may have to click "Refresh" on your browser to get it to come up.





The Aging Explorer

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ROARRRR!"






THE NEWS

Strange disease: "It sounds like a freakish ailment from a horror movie: Sores erupt on your skin, mysterious threads pop out of them, and you feel like tiny bugs are crawling all over you. Some experts believe it's a psychiatric phenomenon, yet hundreds of people say it's a true physical condition. It's called Morgellons, and now the government is about to begin its first medical study of it. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is paying California-based health care giant Kaiser Permanente $338,000 to test and interview patients suffering from Morgellons' bizarre symptoms. The one-year effort will attempt to define the condition and better determine how common it is. Morgellons sufferers describe symptoms that include erupting sores, fatigue, the sensation of bugs crawling over them and - perhaps worst of all - mysterious red, blue or black fibers that sprout from their skin. They've documented their suffering on Web sites. Some doctors believe the condition is a form of delusional parasitosis, a psychosis in which people believe they are infected with parasites."


Neighbourly cat saves British senior: "A cat saved the life of a 90-year-old woman who had collapsed. Stanley the cat was visiting his neighbour Olive Rodgers in Southsea, Hampshire, when she fell and hit her head, knocking herself unconscious. As she lay in a pool of blood, Stanley miaowed loudly. When his owner, Patricia Pemberton-James, 57, came to the door of Mrs Rodgers's house she heard her cat, peered through the letterbox, spotted Mrs Rodgers and summoned help. Mrs Rodgers was released from hospital after several stitches. She said: "I would probably be dead if it wasn't for Stanley."




Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat has the last laugh: "He was the strange television reporter from the country no-one had never heard of, and they were the unsuspecting Americans who helped him in his quest to learn the ways of the West. Now, having mercilessly lampooned his interviewees in his film Cultural Learnings of America for make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakstan, spoof newsman Borat Sagdiev is having the last laugh over those who failed to see the joke. A US court has thrown out a lawsuit against Borat's creator, the British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, brought by one of his unwitting victims - who says she was left embarrassed and humiliated after being duped into appearing in the movie. The claim was filed by Kathie Martin, an etiquette tutor from Birmingham, Alabama, who attempted to teach the apparently sexist and bigoted Kazakh some modern American manners."


Sweden: Bomb squad disarms vibrator: "A bomb disposal squad was called out in Sweden to deal with a vibrating package -- which turned out to be a sex toy. A janitor alerted police after he found the package in the garage of an apartment building in Goteborg, reports Metro. The package was humming and vibrating suspiciously, so police took no chances and sent out a team of explosives experts. After cordoning off the area, they opened the package with bomb disposal equipment, only to find the battery-operated device inside."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:51 PM

 


The great British underwear debate

Standards are sagging

Jeremy Paxman has courted controversy with his aggressive grilling of the political elite. Now television's leading interrogator has divided the nation on a matter of national importance: the quality of Marks & Spencer underwear.

With one in five men and one in three women wearing undies from the high-street retailer, an e-mail from the presenter of Newsnight to Sir Stuart Rose, the chief executive of M&S, was bound to spark a heated debate, not least because it referred to "widespread gusset anxiety". Paxman, it seems, is worried about falling standards. In a confrontational tone usually reserved for errant ministers, he said: "Like very large numbers of men in this country I have always bought my socks and pants at Marks & Sparks. I have noticed that something very troubling has happened. There's no other way to put this. Their pants no longer provide adequate support. "When I've discussed this with friends and acquaintances it has revealed widespread gusset anxiety."

Although the electronic exchange was intended to be private, details of Paxman's concerns leaked out, as did Sir Stuart's response offering to discuss the matter. The two men will meet in the next few weeks when, according to Paxman, "we are going to discuss pants and elastic, among other things, and I will have an opportunity to ventilate this issue".

In the meantime, the broadcaster's comments have split the country, with some consumers determined to defend the M&S underwear department while others have raised concerns. Charlie Evans, a 27-year-old musician from West London, is a loyal customer. "I have to say that the gusset has not troubled me in all the time I have been a Marks & Spencer pants-wearer. "What's not to like with a pair of M&S undies? The material is quite soft, like an invisible second skin, and it keeps everything cupped in the right area. I will continue to buy my underwear at M&S."

Another customer, a 36-year-old student from East London who did not wish to be named, said: "I have definitely noticed a downward trend in the pants department. M&S underwear just doesn't offer the same support that it used to. There are major gaps in many of their products these days."

Women have also joined the debate. Anna Day, a 31-year-old festival director from Strathmiglo, Fife, said: "I have been buying M&S undies for years and have countless pairs of the shop's knickers and bras in my wardrobe. I have always been happy with the quality and the price but I have noticed recently that new knickers aren't as comfortable as before."

Maureen Quinn, 61, who has recently retired and lives in Manchester, has no intention of shopping elsewhere. "I have bought my underwear at Marks and Spencer for the past 20 years," she said. "The knickers and bras are comfortable and reasonably priced and you can always get the kind you want."

Paxman, 57, would not be drawn on his underwear preference but did have more to say about M&S merchandise. "The other thing is socks," he said. "Even among those of us who clip our toenails very rigorously they appear to be wearing out much more quickly on the big toe. "Also, they're no longer ribbed around the top, which means they do not stay up in the way that they used to. "These are matters of great concern to the men of Britain. I just felt it was time that somebody raised this with the only man who can sort it out, Stuart Rose." Paxman added: "If I don't get any satisfaction from the pants-bearing meeting, we will have to think again."

M&S continues to outsell its lingerie rivals by a ratio of four to one. A spokeswoman for the company said that its underwear selection remained "second to none".

Original here







THE NEWS

Airliner captain aborts take-off over cellphones: "Three passengers on an Alitalia airline flight from Milan were arrested after they failed to heed requests to turn off their mobile phones. The Alitalia captain, who had already asked three times for passengers to switch off their mobiles, aborted take-off at the last minute because he noticed interference with the plane's navigation instruments, Italian newspapers reported today. Police boarded the plane at Milan-Linas airport and arrested the three offending passengers identified by the flight crew. The three face prosecution for failing to observe safety regulations and are liable to up to three months in jail."


Fatal egotism: "Two people who drowned in a flooded storm water drain in Sydney's east were spraying graffiti on the walls at the time, police said. Three people were inside the drain at Maroubra at about 5.30pm (AEDT) yesterday when it started to rain and the drain filled with water, trapping them inside. The three were washed down the drain towards Lurline Bay, about a kilometre away, sparking a search by police on foot, PolAir and the Westpac rescue helicopter. A 27-year-old Pennant Hills man escaped from the drain with help from nearby residents, but the bodies of a 25-year-old West Pennant Hills man and a 21-year-old St Peters woman were located inside the drain. Officers later searching the drain found a bag of spray paint cans inside, police said."


Resident beats burglars at hide-and-seek: "A US woman hiding in a closet from burglars was shocked when they opened the doors - twice - and never saw her. The 911 tape from the incident runs for about 13 minutes. It felt like forever to the young woman hiding in the closet in her West Jordan home. But she had a calm, collected 911 operator helping her through it. "Please hurry," 21-year-old Brittney said during the 911 call. The operator asked, "Can you hear anybody downstairs?" Brittney answered, "Yes." Police say three men rang her doorbell, and when no one answered they let themselves in. The intruders smashed in the window, climbed inside and headed upstairs to see what they could find, all while Brittney was home. "It's almost surreal. I can't even comprehend the feelings," Brittney told US broadcaster KSL. As the burglars got closer, she hid in an upstairs closet"


Man wakes up in coffin at his own wake: "An 81-year-old man in the small Chilean village of Angol shocked his grieving relatives by waking up in his coffin at his own wake, local media said. When Feliberto Carrasco's family members discovered his body limp and cold, they were convinced the octogenarian's hour had come, so they immediately called a funeral home, not a doctor. Carrasco was dressed in his finest suit for the wake and his relatives gathered to bid him a final farewell. "I couldn't believe it. I thought I must be mistaken and I shut my eyes," Carrasco's nephew Pedro told the Ultimas Noticias newspaper. "When I opened them again, my uncle was looking at me. I started to cry and ran to get something to open up the coffin to get him out." The man who "rose from the dead" said he was not in any pain and only asked for a glass of water."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:59 PM

 


Surprising ways to use your mobile phone

Not sure how widely these apply. Try it before you believe it. The second one sounds believable

FIRST Emergency

The Emergency Number worldwide for Mobile is 112. If you find yourself out of the coverage area of your mobile; network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialled even if the keypad is locked. Try it out.

SECOND Have you locked your keys in the car?

Does your car have remote keyless entry? This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cell phone: If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on their mobile phone from your cell phone.

Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. Your car will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object. You could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other "remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

THIRD Hidden Battery Power

Imagine your mobile battery is very low. To activate, press the keys *3370# Your mobile will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. This reserve will get charged when you charge your mobile next time.

FOURTH How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone?

To check your Mobile phone's serial number, key in the following digits on your phone: *#06# A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. When your phone gets stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your handset so even if the thief changes the SIM card, your phone will be totally useless. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.






THE NEWS

Japanese soccer coach who made kids run nude laps commits suicide: "A public junior high school's controversial soccer coach who was punished last year for making some of his team strip off and run laps in the nude for missing practice penalties committed suicide on Thursday, police said. The 48-year-old teacher threw himself in front of a Nankai Takano Line train in Osaka's Sumiyoshi-ku early on Thursday morning. He had apparently been struggling over relations with staff at the school in Osaka where he had worked, as well as felt troubled at dealing with students' parents, police said. Police said the teacher took the day off work on Wednesday and could not be found early Thursday morning before he jumped in front of the train. Police said that during the school soccer team's summer camp in 2005, the coach ordered several junior high schoolboy players to strip off and run laps of their ground while naked as punishment for missing penalties during practice."




British tourist pamphlet spoilt by nose-picking girl: "A council's attempt to promote a tourist attraction has been undermined by an unfortunate picture, say critics. A leaflet extolling the elysian beauties of Thornham Walks - a 12-mile footpath network in Suffolk - has a picture of a young girl picking her nose. Andrew Stringer, a Green councillor, says that "it does not represent our youth in the best light" and wants the "amateurish" pamphlet to be withdrawn. A Mid Suffolk District Council spokesman admitted: "It's not the best photograph", but added: "They wanted a real picture, not a typical staged one. "It's a real picture and shows children in their Easter outfits."




Queen backs bare flesh ban at Royal Ascot: "A strict dress code that outlaws bare midriffs and miniskirts is to be enforced during Royal Ascot with the backing of the Queen. For centuries, admission to the Royal Enclosure during the race meeting was a statement of belonging to the social elite. This year, just in case any newcomers were in doubt of how exclusive the honour is, those who transgress the code will be turned away on the orders of Her Majesty's representative, the Duke of Devonshire. The code for gentlemen, which is top hats, morning suits and waistcoats, is non-negotiable. Ladies, according to the updated guidance, must wear hats or "substantial fascinators" - Ascot terminology for feathered adornments. Off-the-shoulder halter-necks are out, along with multi-strapped dresses where the "strap is less than one inch wide". Miniskirts are considered "unsuitable" by the duke. Trouser suits are permissible for women as "long as they use matching material". No exceptions will be made this year for anyone who defies the code."




Naked British nutcase: "Stephen Gough, a former Marine who has been dubbed the Naked Rambler for his insistence on his right to walk naked across Britain, enjoyed six steps of freedom yesterday. Gough was freed after 20 months in prison by a sheriff who gave him the chance to end his "vicious circle" of release and rearrest, but was given warning that he would be rearrested if he failed to cover up when let out of the back door of Edinburgh Sheriff Court. Gough emerged into the rain wearing only a rucksack and an untidy beard. After he had taken only six steps in the nude, police took Gough into the back of a van and rearrested him. He will appear in court on Monday."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:47 PM

 


Some interesting British remedies for colds etc.

Dr Joan Watson, an honorary reader in palaeobotany at Manchester University, writes in praise of the tinctures of Dr Richard Schulze, which she says have not failed her for 10 years. "My husband says Shulze is a nutter," she says, but goes on to insist that the filthy-tasting Schulze Blaster Tonic is a magic potion, particularly when taken alongside raw, crushed garlic. She also recommends Throat Coat teabags (so does Madonna), and putting six drops of three per cent hydrogen peroxide in each ear to ward off an infection (so doesn't Madonna). You might not be surprised to hear that this "fizzes and itches like mad" but apparently is very effective.

Howard Williamson from Yorkshire says that, if you have a cold or flu, you must "stop eating and live on fruit juice", while Hilary Huckstep of Southwold claims that at least one cough mixture is excellent: a sugar-free syrup containing anise, clover, peppermint oils, capsicum and ginger.

June Green insists that old-fashioned remedies are the best, including this one: "Cut a large Spanish onion in half, and tie each half to the soles of your feet before going to bed. The onion is supposed to draw out the cold germs. I swear my cold was better in the morning."

Clem Dennis from Swanage swears that a teaspoonful of cod liver oil every day will keep the doctor away; his tip for a more palatable experience is to keep the bottle in the fridge. "I am in my eighties, and most things still work, including my original teeth," he emails.

M. MacNeil from Kircudbright has a more Celtic solution to winter sniffles: in a tumbler, pour a measure of Ribena, a teaspoon of honey and a jigger of rum, then top up with hot water and take to bed. "Particularly good for chesty colds," he says, and promises that all chills will disappear in three days.






THE NEWS



Longer legs are sexier: "When it comes to legs, the stereotype holds true, according to research showing men and women find lengthier pegs more desirable. A Polish study has concluded that legs 5 per cent longer than average are most attractive on the eye, even when the bearer is no taller than average. Studies have established that taller people are generally deemed more attractive but researchers at the University of Wroclaw wanted to see whether leg length alone could influence perceptions. The team recruited 218 males and females and asked them to judge the attractiveness of seven male and seven female images, New Scientist magazine reported. The images were altered so that figures were the same height but their leg length varied between 15 per cent shorter and longer than the country's national norm. Those with limbs 5 per cent longer than the norm were rated highest, according to the findings by Boguslaw Pawlowski and Piotr Sorokowski published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour. Coming in equal second were legs 10 per cent longer and those fitting the national average. The researchers measured the volunteers themselves and found their proportions didn't influence their answers."


Batty Britain again: "An amateur dramatics group staging a pantomime version of Pirates of the Caribbean in Carnon Downs, Cornwall, has been told by police to keep two plastic swords and a pop-gun under lock and key whenever the props are not being used on stage. Elaine Gummow, the co-director, said that to satisfy health and safety regulations she had to inform the local constabulary if she planned to move the offending items. She added: "It all seems a bit ridiculous - we had to tell police we had `no malicious intent'. There are heavier things on stage that can cause injury than plastic swords." [Nearly as deranged as American schools]


Robber shoots himself in a bad place: "An armed robber shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store Tuesday, cops said. A clerk reported that a man carrying a handgun entered the Village Pantry demanding cash and cigarettes. The clerk put the cash in a bag, and when she turned to get the smokes, the gun went off. Cops say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in his waistband. They later found Derrick Kosch, 25, suffering from a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. Kosch, charged with armed robbery and criminal recklessness and battery, was released from the hospital Tuesday and booked into the county jail, where the other inmates no doubt are being very understanding.


German delinquent banished to Siberia: " German authorities exasperated at the behaviour of a 16-year-old boy have sent him to a remote Siberian village for an "intensive educational experience". The unusual measure by youth welfare officers in the central state of Hesse has raised fresh questions about how to deal with delinquents who have been blamed for a series of ugly crimes. The boy, who has not been identified, was dispatched east after behaving violently in school and at home and attacking his mother. He is being forced to fend for himself in boot camp-style conditions in the forlorn village of Sedelnikovo, several hours' drive from the city of Omsk, in the western Siberian interior. He has had to cope by collecting and chopping firewood to make his own fires, digging his own toilet and pumping water supplies from a well. He will stay there for nine months, separated from family and friends, the internet and television, under a program designed for him. "[The youth] spends most of his time trying to cope with his day-to-day existence, living in conditions like we had 30 or 40 years ago," he added. "If he doesn't chop the wood, his room is cold. If he doesn't fetch water, he can't wash".


NY: Man arrested for walking the snake: ""A New York man has been locked up -- for taking his snake for a walk. Curtis Dewberry, 35, was spotted walking down a major road with the 14ft Burmese python wrapped around his body. He was seen on Montauk Highway, Long Island, by an officer for the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals who called the police. Dewberry has been charged with animal cruelty and failure to protect the public against dangerous wildlife. He is being held in custody. The 70lb snake will be sent to an out-of-state reptile habitat, reports Newsday."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:40 PM

 


The language of business

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"

That's Direct Marketing.


You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you and says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."

That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."

That's Telemarketing.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her; pick up her bag after she drops it,
offer her a ride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich. Will you marry me?"

That's Public Relations.


You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich."

That's Brand Recognition.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

That's Customer Feedback!!!!






THE NEWS

Venice to install speed cameras on canals: "Venice is planning to introduce speed cameras on its canals to stop motor boats from churning up the water. For years, the waves caused by motor boats have battered the city's foundations and eroded its channels. Now the city wants to install speed cameras similar to those found on motorways, reports the Daily Telegraph. Michele Vianello, the deputy mayor, said: 'We want to swap all registration plates on motor boats in the city with ones with a microchip inside.'"


TX: Town abuzz over multiple UFO sightings: "In this farming community [Stephenville, TX] where nightfall usually brings clear, starry skies, residents are abuzz over reported sightings of what many believe is a UFO. Several dozen people -- including a pilot, county constable and business owners -- insist they have seen a large silent object with bright lights flying low and fast. Some reported seeing fighter jets chasing it. 'People wonder what in the world it is because this is the Bible Belt, and everyone is afraid it's the end of times,' said Steve Allen, a freight company owner and pilot who said the object he saw last week was a mile long and half a mile wide. 'It was positively, absolutely nothing from these parts.'"


Burglar finds corpse, calls police: "A Berlin burglar's break-in took an unexpected turn when he stumbled upon a corpse and felt compelled to call the police. He called to say he'd just broken into a flat and found a dead body," said a Berlin police spokeswoman said today. "He gave the address of the place and then hung up." Officers discovered the 64-year-old resident of the flat dead in his bedroom. The man had passed away about two weeks before, and authorities are not treating the death as suspicious. The burglar has not been heard of since. Local media said he fled the flat empty-handed, but police could not confirm this."



VA: Truck testicles face snip: "A controversial Virginia lawmaker is trying to introduce new legislation to ban rubber testicles from being fitted to the back of trucks. Lionel Spruill, known for his failed attempt in 2005 to ban baggy pants, says the motivation for his latest idea came from a constituent. The man complained that he had been left speechless when his six-year-old daughter spotted a pair and asked him what they were. ... 'They're offensive to some folks,' said Mr Spruill, a Chesapeake Democrat. 'It's OK to express yourself, but citizens have the right not to be subjected to something vulgar.'"



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 5:18 PM

 


Hillary Clinton

David Letterman: Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible - the one with only seven commandments.

Jay Leno: Well, the big story - Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's bed.

Jay Leno: In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan. Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk...






THE NEWS

Man turns up alive at his own funeral: "A Cambodian family thought they had seen a ghost when the husband and father they believed they were cremating turned up alive and well at his own funeral, local media said. Khmer-language newspaper Koh Santepheap said the family had decided to hold a funeral for Oum Souv, 24, after the dedicated family man went missing for two days and two nights and a subsequent search of jungle nearby turned up an unclaimed decomposing body. However, the real Souv had been drugged, robbed and left for dead in woodland in a neighbouring village and he came to and made his way home to his distraught family members just as they began cremating the unknown man, the paper said.


Poland: Dead sailor returns, government doesn't believe him: "A Polish sailor who came back from a fishing trip to find he'd been declared dead has failed to convince bureaucrats he's still alive. Piotr Kucy, 37, said: 'I stood there in front of them and said look, I'm alive, but they wouldn't accept it.' Kucy left his home in the port town of Swinoujscie for a two week fishing trip -- but when he came back he found local authorities had declared him dead after wrongly identifying a body washed up-ashore. He said since then local authorities have refused to recognise him as being still alive."


Deadly snake exactly where you don't want it to be: "A Wattle Glen man got the fright of his life when he found a five-foot brown snake in his toilet on Monday night. Todd Linton discovered the deadly animal when a black dot caught his eye. "I saw this spot and tried flushing again and it just so happened to be a snake," Mr Linton said. Happy to have avoided a closer encounter, Mr Linton closed the toilet lid and called a snake catcher. "When the catcher pulled it out of the toilet he held it up and just couldn't believe the size of it," he said. It is still unclear how the snake got caught there. "It was just wrapped up in the system," Mr Linton said. The brown snake is one of Australia's deadliest creatures. Its venom can cause death to humans if left untreated."


Scrabulous on the chopping block: "Social networkers may have to search for another way to waste their time, as Facebook faces legal action from toy company Hasbro. Scrabulous, based on the popular board game Scrabble, has attracted a huge following on Facebook in the past month, with more than 500,000 users playing it each day. However, Scrabble's owner, Hasbro, is claiming a breach of copyright. The Scrabulous game, which was developed by Indian brothers Rajat Agarwalla and Jayant Agarwalla, has become a big money earner for the pair. It has been claimed that the brothers are receiving $US25,000 per month in advertising revenue from Facebook. According to Fortune magazine, Hasbro sent a cease-and-desist notice to Facebook asking them to remove the application."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:15 PM

 


The Honorable Paul Hellyer has the answers

Post below stolen from Panic Watch. See the original for links etc.

After years (or minutes) of deliberation, we are proud to announce the winner of the first Panic Watch! True Genius Award--the Honorable Paul Hellyer. Former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer has called for governments around the world to give up their secrets of UFO technology to help curb global warming.

Climate change is the No. 1 problem facing the world today. I'm not discouraging anyone from being green conscious, but I would like to see what (alien) technology there might be that could eliminate the burning of fossil fuels within a generation ... that could be a way to save our planet.

Not only does he feel the alien technology will help us reverse global warming, but when the interstellar travelers visit our planet, they'll be so disgusted that we are using fossil fuels they'll refuse to make contact.

To have traveled hundreds of trillions of kilometers, interstellar visitors would, at a minimum, require a civilization that is thousands -- if not millions -- of years ahead of our own. One would imagine they went through their own fossil fuel era, and that they solved it and didn't go through some kind of pollution holocaust.

Just like adding a "Dr." to a story somehow warrants our attention and complete trust, so does a government official. This isn't The Honorable Paul Hellyer's most unusual claim: in 2005 he stated the U.S. is in danger of starting an intergalactic war

...a permanent moon base was to give American forces a better means of tracking and possibly shooting at UFOs, and that "the consequences might be of starting an intergalactic war".

You can't beat the combination of global warming being solved by alien technology and the possibility of the first intergalactic war. Genius!





THE NEWS



Will tennis ever be the same again? "Had it happened at Wimbledon, the sight of Tamira Paszek lunging around in a flimsy vest and straining sports bra would have left many venerable members of the All-England Club choking on their strawberries. The 17-year-old Austrian nearly pulled off the shock of the day at the Australian Open but it was more for her choice of tennis attire that she'll live long in the memories of those present. In the baking Australian heat, Paszek revealed a skimpy outift that was almost as stunning as her backhand."


Bumbling carjackers unable to start car: "Two would-be carjackers tried to steal a luxury BMW sedan but were unable to work out how to use the car's key and had to flee on foot. The two young men confronted a 33-year-old Kensington man and his 75-year-old male passenger as they were about to start a BMW about 9.30pm last night at Quay Street, Haymarket, near the corner of Ultimo Road. One of the bandits, brandishing a knife, forced both occupants out of the car before another man carrying a metal pole got into the driver's seat, police said. But the two crooks could not take their planned theft any further, when they found themselves unable to deal with the intricacies of a security ignition key. "They couldn't work out how to use the key. It was one of those new security keys that you have to do more than stick in and turn," a City Central police spokesman said. "It was a bit of a half-baked attempt [at car theft], really." Unable to start the car, the two crooks were forced to rely on a less rapid mode of escape - running."




He didn't: "Jim Ferraro, multimillionaire trial lawyer. Ferraro, set to marry prominent real estate broker Patricia Delinois on Friday in a formal ceremony at Fisher Island's Vanderbilt Mansion, jilted her -- at the altar -- as they were about to exchange vows before 75 to 80 guests. Ferraro, 50, in a black tuxedo with a silk shirt, walked down the aisle first. His escort: Mary High, mother of former NFL player and UM star Eddie Brown. High works for Ferraro, helping care for his children. Delinois, 44, wore an off-white gown with lace, beads and crystals. Her escort: son Brandon Timinsky, 16. After five years of dating, the couple were to finally tie the knot. But, says Ferraro: 'When it was time to say `I do,' I just said, 'I love her but I just can't do this.' '' He walked away, flanked by sons James, 21, Andrew, 18, and daughter Alexis, 14. The audience gasped.... The Rev. Milan R. Kralik, who officiated, thanked everyone for coming and encouraged them to support the couple. ''There's not much you can say at a time like this,'' Kralik says. Many were not surprised. It was an on-again, off-again romance"


Bumbling thieves swipe tea instead of beer: "Two thieves who stole cold tea from a pub in the apparent belief it was alcohol have had their bumbling actions captured on security vision. The thirsty thieves swiped several bottles from a display inside the Playford Tavern, Peachey Rd, Davoren Park, about 6.30am on New Year's morning. But the bottles were actually filled with cold tea for the display. Security vision of two bare-chested men was released today by Elizabeth CIB as they continued their investigations into the break-in."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 3:28 PM

 


Back woods of Arkansas

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"







THE NEWS

Yachtsman calls local pub for help: "British people are known for not making a fuss, so when a yachtsman had to be rescued in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, he rang his local pub rather than calling the coastguard. Suffering a suspected fractured pelvis after a fall on the deck of his boat, Alan Thompson, 61, managed to reach a satellite phone and called Roger Pocock, landlord of the Bull's Head pub in Fishbourne, West Sussex. "We received a call from him saying he was in trouble,'' Pocock told British media. "I don't know why he didn't put out an SOS, but maybe he didn't want to make a big alert.'' Falmouth coastguard launched a joint operation with American rescuers 600 nautical miles north-east of Bermuda on Saturday. Mr Thompson, of Chichester, West Sussex, had bought the 11-metre yacht called Padolu in Florida and planned to sail back to the UK single-handed. He was being taken to safety in the US and had to abandon the vessel, which was not insured."


Randy Russians in mile-high sex show: "Two randy Russians involved in a live sex act on a packed plane to London, have been fined $1100 and sent back home to Russia. Olga Bezmelnitsyna, 41, and Sergei Gorlov, 59, who both work in England, shocked fellow passengers on a flight from Brazil to London with a live sex show. The couple - who had been drinking heavily - got carried away four hours into the 12-hour British Airways flight, the Sun reported. Disgusted passengers - including children - alerted cabin crew, who asked the couple to stop, but they ignored the warning and were shortly engaged in an indecent act again. "A female cabin crew member went to them and saw the female defendant was face down in the groin area of the male passenger," prosecutor Syreta Maharaj told the Sun. "She said she felt physically sick by this and it was in the full view of other passengers including children."


Three queens sail out of New York: "Three of the world's best-known ocean liners steamed out of New York harbour together late today, sailing out of the same port for the first and only time in their history. The Queen Mary 2, Queen Elizabeth 2 and newly launched Queen Victoria slipped past the Statue of Liberty together under the cover of darkness as fireworks burst overhead, offering maritime history fans a unique opportunity. "This is the first time they've all met," Carol Marlow, president of Cunard Line, which operates the three ships, said. "It's not only special because it's the first time we've had these three ships together, it's special because it will never happen again," she said. "This is a truly momentous occasion." The Queen Victoria, launched in December and on her maiden world cruise, and the Queen Mary 2, launched in 2004 and the largest ocean liner in the world, were both headed for the Caribbean."



Optimistic New Zealanders pursue a shark in an inflatible boat!: "A shark attack on an inflatable boat led to the closure of a popular swimming beach in New Zealand this afternoon. Omaha Surf Club president Daniel Baturic said Omaha Beach, just north of Auckland, would remain closed until at least tomorrow, after lifeguards sighted a shark 100m off shore at around 2pm. He told NZPA sharks were reported swimming off the beach and a boat was sent out to confirm the sighting. The boat's crew had been guiding a shark away from the beach for about 30 metres when it turned around and attacked the boat. No-one was hurt but part of the boat was deflated, he said. Mr Baturic said the shark's behaviour could have been caused by bait being laid by a commercial fisherman for crab pots. The situation was frustrating because the sharks were "pretty vicious''.



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:58 PM

 


What the "United Nations" stands for

As far as we can see








THE NEWS

Prison for British air-rage flier who wanted to go business class: "A middle-aged man has been jailed after marching into the business-class section of a flight from Thailand and hurling a passenger into the aisle so he could take his seat. Edward Gough, 54, who had been drinking in economy class, had to be restrained by fellow passengers on the Eva Air flight from Bangkok to London in November 2006. Gough, a mechanic, who said he was devastated by what he had done, was given a six-month jail sentence after admitting three charges of common assault on a passenger and members of the crew. Isleworth Crown Court was told that he had been taking prescribed diazepam as well as drinking, and could not recall a thing about the attack. Judge Patricia Dangor said that it was reckless to take alcohol with prescribed drugs. "The fact you don't remember is neither here nor there. You assaulted three people. People who fly have a duty to make sure that their behaviour doesn't frighten other people. Your behaviour was nothing short of terrifying." A custodial sentence was required as a deterrent to others, she said. Robert Meikle, for the prosecution, said that Gough, of Thetford, Norfolk, had drunk several glasses of wine before walking into business class and grabbing a passenger, Sung Pin Chen, who was "sitting minding his own business". He "pulled him from his seat and deposited him in the aisle".


Poles `are best Brits': "Polish people are more British than the British, according to an internet citizenship test. In the exam, based on the Home Office immigration test, the Polish came first and the British only sixth, ranking them behind Finland, Sweden, Germany and New Zealand. At the bottom of the table were the Americans."


British village invaded by lost army tanks: "A picturesque village that has the same name as an army barracks is being overrun by transporters carrying 70-tonne tanks because on-board satellite navigation systems have sent the drivers to the wrong place. Tanks galore have been lining up in Donnington in Shropshire on the back of huge low-loaders while drivers try to work out where the other Donnington is - 15 miles away near Telford. Army officials insisted that it was private contractors who were at fault. "Military drivers would know where the Donnington barracks is," one official said. Residents said that the tanks and other armoured vehicles arrived on their doorstep as many as seven times a week. "It's like an invasion," David Strefford, 60, said. "We had seven tanks up the tiny lane outside my farm once," he said."


Slimy frog on French TV: "The bosses of France's biggest television network are trying to unmask five staff who have written an anonymous book that depicts their news operation as subservient to President Sarkozy and demolishes its megastar presenter as a lazy, tyrannical prima donna. Madame, Monsieur, Bonsoir has become a bestseller and made a laughing stock of the news operation at TF1, the commercial channel that dominates French broadcasting. The biggest victim of the hatchet job is Patrick Poivre d'Arvor, 60, the star presenter whose 8pm evening broadcast is a national institution and the chief source of news for millions of French.... Mr Poivre d'Arvor survived two serious blows to his image in the 1990s. In the first, in 1991, he admitted faking an interview with Fidel Castro, the Cuban leader. In 1996, he received a suspended prison term and large fine for receiving the proceeds of embezzled funds. The case arose from trips and entertainment that he accepted from a corrupt businessman who was close to the political world."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:43 PM

 


A glimpse of the future?









THE NEWS

Vermont: Jurors rounded up on sidewalk: "Judge Harold Eaton Jr., discouraged when a 34-person pool of potential jurors for a sex case was reduced to 20 people, sent sheriff's deputies into the street Wednesday to summon people to join them. Caledonia County Sheriff Michael Bergeron and three uniformed deputies stopped people on a sidewalk in front of the post office, asking if they lived in the county. Those who did and were 18 or older were given a summons to report to the courthouse. According to Bergeron, "99.9 percent were just excellent" about being summoned. "They were great. We certainly appreciate that," he said. "We hope it won't happen again." Defense attorney David Sleigh objected to the impromptu jury pool, telling Eaton he should postpone the draw and start with a new pool. Eaton denied the request. The 12 jurors selected will hear the case of a man charged with two felony counts of lewd and lascivious conduct with a child."




Koala blue eyes is one of a kind: "With his piercing blue eyes, tiny Frankie is one of a kind - the world's only blue-eyed koala. His striking peepers have dumbfounded animal carers at his Dreamworld home on the Gold Coast. Initially worried, staff ran tests but found that apart from some reduced pigmentation, Frankie, dubbed after ol' blue eyes Frank Sinatra, had perfect vision. Dreamworld supervisor Michelle Barnes said she doubted her own vision when she first saw Frankie's eyes. While Frankie, now nine months old, was the centre of media attention yesterday, the general public will have to wait a couple of months before he is ready to face the public for the first time."




German expert reveals true identity of Mona Lisa: "After centuries of speculation about her true identity, the woman known around the world as Mona Lisa has been identified. The Associated Press reports a German expert has confirmed the woman in Leonardo da Vinci's most famous portrait is Lisa Gherardini, wife of a Florentine cloth merchant named Francesco del Giocondo. Viet Probst, director of the Heidelberg University Library, said the university's handwriting expert had discovered a reference to her identity in a document that belonged to the painting's early owner. The Mona Lisa was painted between 1503 and 1506 and now hangs in the Louvre in Paris. The painting's alternative title is La Gioconda, further linking it to Francesco del Giocondo and Lisa Gherardini."




Man survives being run over by train: "A man had a miraculous escape yesterday, sustaining only minor injuries when a freight train rolled over the top of him while he slept between the tracks. The Bendigo man, 20, whose name has not been released, was sleeping at a level crossing in Port Augusta, 300km northwest of Adelaide, when the train approached about 3.40am (AEDT). The driver spotted the man and applied the emergency brake, but the FreightLink train, carrying 3000 tonnes of freight, was unable to stop in time. The train rolled over the man, still lying between the tracks, and stopped just ahead of him. It is believed the man hit his head on the train while trying to sit up. It is understood he may have been intoxicated. FreightLink general manager Tony Aldridge said the tracks were "not the best place" to take a nap. "It was probably lucky he was lying in such a way that the train actually went over him rather than across him," he said. The train had slowed to enter the freight yard on Tassie Street. Mr Aldridge said the clearance between the ground and the train was about 30cm. (1ft.). Ambulance officers took the man to Port Augusta hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 10:06 AM

 


Don't jump to conclusions

A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled "Hello" to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him... and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from... so he says ..."Sorry....do you know me?"

She replies... "I may be mistaken... but I thought you might be the father... of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Holy crap".... he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends.... while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my behind?"

"No".... she replies..... "I'm your son's teacher."






THE NEWS

Bus driver pees as bus hits house: "A bus driver was literally caught with his pants down yesterday when he left his vehicle to answer a pressing call of nature. The hapless driver then could do nothing but watch on helplessly as the runaway bus rolled across a footpath and two lanes of traffic before mounting a second footpath and slamming into the front of a house in Park St, East Hills at 7.30am. Police said the driver - who had earlier been shuttling commuters between Macarthur and East Hills railway station in Sydney's southwest - had left the empty bus for "a very short period of time while he went to answer a call of nature".




Cool Thai frog: "According to the nursery rhyme, when froggie goes a-courtin' he takes a sword and pistol by his side. This frog, though, prefers to travel unarmed on a Harley-Davidson. Nong Oui, a black-spotted frog, also likes to show off her balancing skills and ride a toy dumper truck. The frog was found by Tongsai Bamroongtai, 52. "I looked her straight in the eye and knew I could communicate with her," she said. "She can strike a pose just about anywhere." Nong Oui first became renowned in Thailand, where she lives, for correctly predicting lottery results. Then, apparently, her prophetic talents disappeared. Hence, perhaps, the getaway bike."




Australia: No bulldust about this bull: "As an amazing story of survival against all odds, it sounds like a load of bull. But Barney the brahman bull was yesterday the living, breathing proof of a miraculous flood survival story that has the entire Tweed Valley talking. Through an amazing stroke of luck, and perhaps some bovine bravado, Barney survived an 87km journey through raging creeks and rivers during the weekend's wild floods. He was washed away by a wall of water from the banks of Hopping Dick Creek on his Limpinwood property about 2am on Sunday and was considered lost before being found alive and well seven hours later near the mouth of the Tweed River - almost 90km downstream. A passer-by at the Fingal ocean entrance spotted the exhausted and shellshocked Barney floating toward the sea and alerted park rangers. Owner Don Baxter was yesterday still shaking his head at how his 12-month-old bull calf had survived one of the biggest floods in Tweed history."




One reason to be pro-Israel: "Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli, who grabbed international attention last year for her relationship with Hollywood A-lister Lenoardo DiCaprio, has been named "Body of 2008" by British men's magazine Arena. Refaeli, 22, caused controversy last year for telling Israeli newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth, "Why is it good to die for our country? Isn't it better to live in New York?" The model decided to sue the newspaper for libel, after it published the interview in which she made the remarks under the headline "Bar Refaeli versus the State of Israel."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 7:42 PM

 


The latest Australian English



Contemplating a New Year tattoo in that fashionable area above the buttocks? To help you along, Australians have given them a not-so-fashionable name: "arse antlers". Want a suntan as well? You could have "tanorexia". These are just some of the words the country's biggest online dictionary is asking people to vote for as word of the year for its latest annual update.

A "butt bra" raises the profile of the buttocks to go with your arse antlers, while "manscaping" refers to removal of body hair for men, sometimes tied to the female preoccupation with the "lady garden", or pubic zone. "Tanorexia" refers to an obsession with a suntan, while a "salad dodger" is an obese person.

Other nominations for the Macquarie Dictionary Online include "infomania", for those who constantly put aside the job at hand to concentrate on incoming email and text messages. "Password fatigue" is frustration from having too many passwords to recall.

Casting aside the personal, someone who spreads their clothes around the house, clean or otherwise, is said to be treating the room as a "floordrobe". Or if the global credit crunch is hitting home, you may be tempted into becoming a "credit card tart", or someone who shifts loans around from one credit card to pay for another. In business, the "glass cliff" refers to people placed in jobs with high risk of failure because they belong to a group not well represented in leadership positions, such as women.

Even geopolitics gets a mention, with "Chindia" joining China and India, at least in Australish English, in terms of their fast growing strategic and economic clout in the world. The "Great Firewall of China" noun refers to the block preventing Chinese internet users from accessing online sites deemed undesirable by the Chinese government. To get around it may take a "cyberathlete", or professional computer game player.

Susan Butler, the dictionary's publisher, said environmental themes were hot this year in a time of global warming, with "climate canary" referring to a geographical feature, plant or animal species pointing to climate change. "Toad juice" refers to a liquid fertiliser produced in Australia from pulverised cane toads, an introduced environmental pest marching its way across the continent.

Original here






THE NEWS



Tata unveils world's cheapest car: "India's Tata Group has unveiled a $US2500 car billed as the world's cheapest amid predictions it could could revolutionise how the nation travels. The launch of the Tata Nano was a landmark in the history of transportation, like the first powered flight by the Wright brothers or the first lunar landing, said 70-year-old tycoon Ratan Tata, head of the giant conglomerate. Tata, likened by India's media to US automobile pioneer Henry Ford, also dismissed fears the Nano - so-called to appear both high-tech and small - would herald more congestion and pollution... The sparsely appointed Nano targets increasingly affluent Indians trading up from a motorcycle to a car amid an economic boom in the nation of 1.1 billion people. The Nano has a small, rear-mounted 33bhp, 624cc engine but no air conditioning, electric windows or power steering in the basic model, although two deluxe versions will be available. Tata argued the new car would be better and safer than most motorcycles on India's roads. ``Let me assure you and also assure our critics the car we have designed will meet all the current safety requirements ... and will have a lower pollution level than even a two-wheeler being manufactured in India today,'' Tata said."


FBI wiretap cut off over unpaid phone bill: "A telephone company cut off an FBI international wiretap after the agency failed to pay its bill on time, according to a US government audit released today. The Justice Department's inspector-general faulted the FBI for poor handling of money used in undercover investigations, which it said made the agency vulnerable to theft and mishandled invoices. It cited the case in which a wiretap under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, which governs electronic spying in terrorism and intelligence cases, was disrupted due to an overdue bill. "Late payments have resulted in telecommunications carriers actually disconnecting phone lines established to deliver surveillance results to the FBI, resulting in lost evidence, including an instance where delivery of intercept information required by a ... FISA order was halted due to untimely payment," the audit said."




Naked News in bid to flesh out world coverage: "If you speak Spanish, Italian or Korean and long to watch your daily dish of news from a disrobed announcer, you're in luck. Toronto-based Naked News, "the program with nothing to hide," is expanding its foreign-language coverage in an attempt to gain a worldwide audience. The program, which features nine female anchors reading the news in the nude or stripping as they present their news segments, will now be broadcast in Spanish, Italian and Korean, along with its already available Japanese broadcasts. The multilingual broadcasts will be available online and through mobile providers, as well as on traditional pay-per-view television stations. Naked News TV is currently available on pay-per-view in the US, Europe, Australia, Asia and Canada. The channel gets its information from regular news services and uses professionally trained writers and directors to produce the bulletins of political, business, sport and entertainment news."


Super-mother catches teenage robbers, gives birth: "A heavily pregnant woman helped to bust a gang of alleged teenager robbers before giving birth. The woman, who is married to a police officer, and her dog went to the aid of an off-duty cop and helped to foil the robbery in Bowralville in northern New South Wales on Sunday night. She later went into labour and has given birth to a healthy baby girl. The hero mum heard the sound of breaking glass in High Street about 11.30pm. She went to investigate as an off-duty senior constable spotted six youths who had allegedly broken into a takeaway shop and where rummaging through the store. Despite being heavily pregnant, the woman went to the aid of the officer with her dog and helped in the arrest of three teenagers while another three ran off, police said. Two 12-year-olds and a 16-year-old have been charged with breaking and entering."


(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 12:39 PM

 


JUST A CORNUCOPIA OF ODD NEWS TODAY:

Nutcase cuts off own hand, microwaves it: "A man in Idahao who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off his hand then cooked it in a microwave oven. The man in his mid-20s called police as he cooked his severed limb. He was calm when they arrived at his home in the town of Hayden on Saturday, the Associated Press reported. "It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," police Captain Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad." It was not clear whether the man had a history of mental illness but he was now in protective custody in a mental health unit. A hospital spokeswoman would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand. The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."


'Disruptive' non-smokers fired: "The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment. The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J, told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions. Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke. "I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on."


Crazy Canada: Drug addict sues dealer for 'bad high': "A Canadian woman has won a civil suit against her drug dealer for selling her addictive street drugs that landed her in hospital after an overdose. A judge in western Saskatchewan province threw out the rural drug dealer's defense because he refused to reveal where he got the narcotics, and in doing so, awarded plaintiff Sandra Bergen a default victory, said court documents. "I was frustrated with the criminal justice system because there was no real investigation (into his crimes), so I decided to try to hold him accountable through a civil lawsuit,'' Ms Bergen said. "`I sued him for negligence ... for selling me (illegal) drugs and getting me hooked when I was vulnerable,'' she said of her former kindergarten friend who first offered her a free dose when she was only 13 years old. Citing her attorney, Ms Bergen said: "My victory sets a legal precedent (in Canada), so people can now sue their drug dealers if they want to.''




Man moves in to IKEA store: "When furniture retailer IKEA promoted its latest US sale by asking customers on its website if they are "ready to take advantage of us", one customer took them up on the offer in a novel way. Mark Malkoff, 31, moved into the IKEA store in Elizabeth, New Jersey, for a week while his New York City apartment was fumigated. He said he made the audacious move because his friends' apartments were too small to accommodate him and hotels were too expensive."


Shocked client spots wife among brothel employees: "A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town. "I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper. The couple, married for 14 years, is now divorcing, the newspaper reported."


NYC police arrest men for wheeling dead man down street to cash check: "Two men are in police custody in New York City after they allegedly wheeled a dead man to a check-cashing store to try to cash his Social Security check. Police say the men put their roommate's body in an office chair and took him to Pay-O-Matic a block away from their apartment. Officials say the men left the body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check. A crowd gathered and police arrived, arresting the two men. Authorities are holding them on fraud charges. The medical examiner's office have told police that the 66-year-old had died of natural causes within the previous 24 hours.




Nutty collecter: "The owner of the world's biggest collection of Trabant cars must sell them after complaints from his neighbours that they are an eyesore. Graham Goodall has 49 of the East German cars at his home in Middleton-by-Youlgrave but the Peak District National Park Authority issued an enforcement order to remove 40 of them. His appeal was dismissed by the High Court. Mr Goodall, 61, said: "It's terribly sad. I've spent nearly 20 years putting this collection together." The authority said that Mr Goodall did not have appropriate planning permission and that it had to act on the villagers' complaints."


Labrador shoots its owner dead on hunting trip: "An overexcited dog has accidentally shot and killed its owner on a goose-hunting trip in Texas. Perry Price, 46, had just shot a goose and went back to his pick-up truck to let his dog out to go find it in the brush. He leaned over the bed of the truck and lay his shotgun down inside as he unhooked the tailgate, his hunting companion told investigators. "When the dog got to jumping around it went off," deputy Nacheal Bonin of the Chambers County Sheriff's Department said. The shotgun pellets went through the truck's tailgate and struck Mr Price, a high school teacher and avid hunter, in the thigh. His friend rushed Mr Price to a hospital just a few kilometres away but the pellets had severed an artery and Mr Price could not be saved. He was pronounced dead on Saturday night . "It just caught him in the wrong area. It's a freak accident," Ms Bonin said."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 10:49 AM

 


Guide to protesting









THE NEWS

Antarctic Christmas fun gets out of hand: "A groping Santa, a drunken car chase, a bloody punchout - festivities in Antarctica got a little out of hand this Christmas. Complaints of "inappropriate touching" were made against a Santa who had posed for photographs on a decorated snowmobile at the US McMurdo station, on the edge of the continent, a New Zealand newspaper reported today. That incident was followed by another in which a US staff member, suspected of drink-driving, raced along an icy road in a four-wheel-drive vehicle chased by a fire engine before she was intercepted, said Christchurch-based The Press newspaper, without citing sources. McMurdo base is home to about 1000 US scientists and staff during the summer months and is the largest community in Antarctica. At a different US station at the South Pole a worker had to be flown out to a hospital in Christchurch, more than 5000km away, after his jaw was broken in a Christmas punchout with a fellow staff member, The Press said. Both the bad Santa and rogue driver were summoned before their managers while the attacker in the South Pole brawl had been sacked, it said."




A good dog: "A police dog is being hailed a hero after helping to apprehend two alleged would-be thieves early this morning. Two officers were patrolling along Cooyar St at Aspley about 2am when they saw two suspicious men wearing dark clothing and carrying a sledgehammer and crow-bar walking through adjacent parkland. Police dog Ike tracked the men through the park where one jumped on a bicycle and the other fled on foot. Ike apprehended the fleeing bandit by dragging him off his bicycle while the second man was caught by one of the officers. Police allege the men were on their way to commit break and enters of businesses in the area. A police spokesman said that Ike, the four-year-old german shepherd, was trained to track and apprehend suspects. "PD Ike is a general purpose police dog which means he is specifically trained to track suspects who have left the scene, apprehend violent and armed offenders, find evidence left behind, track and search for missing people or escapees, crowd control and search buildings or enclosed areas," the spokesperson said in a statement. "PD Ike is a working-line German Shepherd who appears to be very passionate about his work and this is displayed in his demeanour." "He is very keen to track and loves to locate offenders."


Lavish funeral costs Communist official his job: "A Chinese official has been sacked from his Communist Party post and demoted for putting on an over-lavish funeral for his mother. AXie Pingfa, former director of a highway administration in the southern province of Guangdong, was punished for violating Party rules on "self-discipline and integrity for officials and cadres", the China Daily said. China is in the middle of a crackdown on official corruption, which the ruling Communists say is so widespread it could threaten the party's survival. Mr Xie organized more than 1000 people, including eight officials and staff members of the highway administration, to attend his mother's funeral in November, according to a report of the Guangdong provincial discipline watchdog. "Xie and his siblings erected a stage more than 20m high for people to pay their tributes and employed a 20-member band to perform music during the funeral procession," the China Daily said."


Boy scout saves president's life: "A quick-thinking boy scout has thwarted an assassination bid against the president of the Maldives, warding off a knife-wielding assailant. Officials said Mohamed Murshid, 20, tried to plunge a knife into President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom's stomach, but Asia's longest serving president was unhurt thanks to Mahamed Jaisham, 15, who wrestled with the attacker before he was detained. Mr Murshid, who had no previous criminal record - had hidden the knife wrapped in a national flag, the president's spokesman Mohamed Hussain Shareef said. "He was an idling youth," he said. Mohamed's hand was injured, and he was being treated in the island's health centre. Mr Gayoom said in a nationwide address after the attack that he had survived "thanks to Mohamed Jaisham and Allah." The attack took place on Hoarafushi in the north of the Maldives, a chain of 1192 coral and white sand islands off the southern tip of India."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:11 PM

 


A real-life conversation (Sadly)

No doubt most readers have had similar conversations with large organizations at times

Today I had the fifth call in the last fortnight from my good friends at British Gas. They were asking for money again...

Me: 'Hello'

BG: (pregnant pause..cunting predictive dialler) 'allo meester *****'.

Me: 'Is this call from India?'

BG: 'I am calleeeeng from Breetish Gas'

Me: 'Is this call from India?'

BG: 'Yes'

Me: 'Please find me somebody with first language standard English, preferably a supervisor. I don't want to spend the next hour repeating my address very loudly and slowly'.

BG: 'M...'

Me: 'Now please!'

BG: 'Hello Sir I am a supervisor, we are calling a you for immediate payment of the œ627 you owe on your gas account. Do you have a debit or credit card handy?'

Me: 'Is this regarding (address)?'

BG: 'Yes sir'

Me: 'This property burned down in June of this year, as I have informed you at least half a dozen times. So this is for estimated usage yes?'

BG: 'That is correct sir'.

Me: 'For a property that doesnt exist?'

BG: 'Yes sir'

Me: 'Tell me again why I should be paying this?'

BG: 'I must accept immediate payment in full sir'

Me: 'You must accept that you are a cretin who doesn't seem to understand the idea that one doesn't pay for utilities that have not been used'.

Me: 'I have given you a final meter reading, why are we still having this conversation?'

BG: 'We have attempted to confirm reading but have been denied access to the property'.

Me: 'Sweet Christ, YES THAT IS BECAUSE IT HAS BURNT DOWN!'.

BG: 'Im still going to have to take payment'.

.....

....

....

Me: 'F*CK OFF, C*NT, C*NT, C*NT!!' (Hangup).

Original here







THE NEWS

Boy glues self to bed to avoid school: "A 10-YEAR-old Mexican boy glued his hand to his bed to avoid going back to school after the Christmas break, authorities say. "I thought if I was glued to the bed, they couldn't make me go to school,'' the boy, Diego, said. "I didn't want to go, the holidays were so much fun.'' "I remembered my mum had bought a very strong glue,'' he said of the industrial strength shoe glue he used to stick his hand to the bed's metal headboard, where he stayed stuck for two hours. His mother Sandra Palacios was unable to free him and called paramedics and police to help. Diego watched cartoons while they worked to unglue him, eventually using a spray to dissolve the chemical adhesive. "I don't know why this happened. He is a very good boy,'' said his mother. Diego eventually made it school a few hours late."


School's in ... but a bit on the nose: "ITALIAN Prime Minister Romano Prodi ordered Naples schools to reopen on Monday despite fears that stinking heaps of uncollected garbage in the streets could spread disease. More than 100,000 tonnes of refuse is estimated to be festering on the roadsides of the southern Italian city and surrounding areas after garbage trucks stopped operating two weeks ago because all landfills are full. Residents protesting against plans to reopen an old landfill clashed with police and overturned vehicles on Saturday, and several schools in the hardest-hit areas said they would stay shut after the winter break until the situation improved. Mr Prodi, who has warned the crisis threatens Italy's image and blames extremists for stirring opposition to reopening the landfill, said he was offended by the decision to shut schools and ordered them to reopen as scheduled."


Witch-wary Kenyan looters return spoils: "Dozens of looters who profited from Kenya's post-election unrest began returning or dumping their ill-gotten gains around the port city of Mombasa overnight, frightened of cursed goods. Television footage showed fearful, if not shameful, looters and their accomplices returning beds, sofa sets and other items after rumours that victims had deployed witch doctors to punish the thieves. Police officials confirmed the report, saying witchcraft had facilitated their business of tracking down crooks. "I am fearful for my life because of the ghosts, that is why I decided to return the property,'' said John Joash, who confessed to looting a bed during the mayhem. Residents of this coastal city strongly believe in the power of witchcraft and say witch doctors are endowed with supernatural power to invoke or revoke evil spirits. "Some of the looters are suffering. We have got reports that some of them cannot urinate or pass stool. And another one is rotting in one eye: All these is because they stole other people's property,'' Mariam Kukukali, a resident, told the Kenya Television Network".




An Australian Geisha!: "An Australian woman has become the first Westerner to be allowed to enter the mysterious world of Japan's geisha. Fiona Graham, originally from Melbourne, first came to Japan at the age of 15 on a school exchange program. Impressed by the culture, she graduated from a Japanese high school, attended Keio University and then Oxford University before completing a doctorate in social anthropology. "I started my geisha training in April and it has been a long year because it took more time than I expected to be able to make my debut," she said. "Even though I have been in Japan a long time and have a good grasp of the culture, this has been very difficult." True to tradition, Sayuki - her professional name - will not reveal her age".



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 11:04 AM

 


Observant kid

One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.

She turned and looked at him for an explanation.

He said, "I did that by accident."

She replied, "I know that, daddy."

He replied, "How'd you know?"

The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'ASSHOLE!' afterwards!"




Logic needed

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. "Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"

"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"

"It was ME," chortled the Indian.

So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.

"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough," said Sven.

"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"

"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"

The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"







THE NEWS

A room that's nothing to sneeze at: "Slowly, ever so slowly, American hotels are recognising that travellers who suffer from severe asthma and allergies triggered by dust mites, mould, smoke, pollen, chemicals and animal hairs might like to stay in hypoallergenic rooms - for a price. With as many as one in four travellers coughing, sneezing and wheezing their way through the day, or night, the thought crossed a few minds to develop hotel rooms that are free of all the nasty stuff that causes guests to feel as if their airways are clogging. Not that many didn't feel that way before checking in. But to find relief in a hotel room, what a surprise. "Allergy patients suffer a lot whether it's sneezing, nasal congestion or a runny nose, but more severe patients could have an asthma exacerbation and that could be life threatening," said Dr Kris McGrath, an allergist and associate professor of clinical medicine at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. "So an unsuspecting guest (entering a room vacated hours before by a guest travelling with a cat) could have an asthma attack triggered by cat protein, which is very potent." The room is shocked with a very high concentration of ozone that kills any remaining living organisms. The room is then misted with Pure Shield, a substance that bonds with everything in the room and leaves a static barrier that prevents bacteria and viruses from adhering to anything. A special FDA-approved purifier continually cleanses the air."


Polish pill pusher: "A Western Sydney GP who prescribed "huge" cocktails of addictive narcotics, tranquillisers and painkillers to patients has been struck off after a patient died from an overdose. Dr Andrzej Kazmierczak, who has been warned about over-prescribing in the past, came under investigation after the Health Care Complaints Commission received complaints from a family member of the dead man, a builder, and a medical worker. At least eight other patients at the All Hours Emerton Medical Centre also received excessive doses of unauthorised drugs, including morphine, pethidine and oxycodone or "hillbilly heroin" from the doctor, the Medical Tribunal of NSW heard. Dr Kazmierczak was found to have prescribed a schizophrenic woman as much as 350 Valium (diazepam) and 175 oxazepam tablets a month, another patient got 240 Panadeine Forte tablets.... Dr Kazmierczak's colleagues argued that he provided "compassionate care" for his patients. The tribunal ruled that he should be struck off and prohibited from reapplying for one year."


`Sworn virgins' dying out as Albanian girls reject manly role: "In the remote mountain villages of Albania, the women no longer want to be men. The ancient tradition of "sworn virgins" - women who take on the role of paterfamilias, forsaking love, marriage and children - is threatened by the corrosive influence of modern life. Diana Rakipi, 53, a sworn virgin since the age of eight, is angered by the way capitalism and democracy have combined to destroy her way of life. Rakipi, who comes from the mountain village of Tropoja, near Albania's border with Kosovo, said her parents had encouraged her to become a boy after the deaths of her three brothers. As the oldest girl in a family of 12 children, she took on her role with relish. "Women were badly regarded at that time," she said. "We [sworn virgins] are totally free and can rule in the family."


Army recruit kicked out over fake boobs: "A female recruit is appealing after she was kicked out of army training in Germany for having breast implants. Alessija Dorfmann, 23, who has a D cup after the operation, said: "I am devastated - it has always been my dream to be a soldier and have a great figure - and now my fake boobs have cost me my job. "I could not stop crying when they told me. I wanted to work as an army medic and help save lives." The brunette who earned the money for the boob job working as a carer in an OAP's home before joining the army has now appealed the ruling - and military chiefs have pledged to review the situation. Army spokesman Harald Kammerbauer said: "The rule that was brought in because of the increased risk of an injury is under review. "It was introduced more than a decade ago and it may be that it is no longer relevant in the modern army. In future we may be prepared to make exceptions."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:59 PM

 


Helpful church

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."




Another kiddie viewpoint

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"







THE NEWS

UK: Elderly use canes for self-defence: "A martial arts expert has set up special walking stick self-defence classes for pensioners. Kevin Garwood, 58, of Gorleston, near Great Yarmouth, is showing them how to use their walking sticks to be more confident. And his lessons have already paid off after an old woman fought off two muggers, reports the Daily Mail. Mr Garwood currently teaches three walking stick self-defence classes a week and aims to start more sessions this year."


Trapped in lift for days: "Two cleaning women were trapped inside a broken lift for two days with only two cough drops and six aspirin to sustain them. Beata Bartoszewicz and her mother, Roma Borowski, entered a lift in an empty building in the Chicago suburb of Niles on December 22, it emerged yesterday. After the doors closed, the women discovered they were stuck on the first floor of the two-storey building. There was no response from an emergency call alarm and the women could not pry open the doors, said Ms Bartoszewicz, 25. Neither had a mobile phone and the building was not due to open until after Christmas. On Christmas Eve, an employee went to work. Ms Borowski said she heard him talking on his mobile phone. The women yelled and he heard them. Fire crews freed the women an hour later"




Shark 'cowboy' rides man-eaters in the name of research: "Meet "the shark cowboy" - a marine scientist who ropes giant tiger sharks and "rides" the man-eaters as part of his research project. Richard Fitzpatrick, who admits most people think he is either "a liar or a loony", needs to frolic with the ocean predators to tag the sharks with devices that can be tracked by satellite. The computer devices, called splash tags, track sharks to the depths of the ocean. Previously, most tracking systems could record a shark's position only when it came to the surface. The new technology has tracked some sharks over tens of thousands of kilometres annually, and has established that some return to the same site each year."


Weird history: "Why is it that so many people have a craving for weird history? That's the term the historian Greg Melleuish gives to some massively popular outpourings of fantasy posing as fact. One example is The Da Vinci Code, which of course is a novel, but one many readers believe is based in reality. Another is Gavin Menzies' crackpot 1421, which claims that Chinese ships circumnavigated the globe in the 1420s, and which has sold more than 2 million copies. Then there's the field of biblical archaeology, with all those docos saying someone has just found Noah's Ark, or the lost tomb of Jesus. And a final example less familiar: the claim by the author Anatoly Fomenko that Genghis Khan was actually a Russian. Fomenko is big in Russia. He started out as a sort of niche nutter, arguing that all of what we consider ancient history is actually misdated. Jesus, for example, really lived in the 12th century. But it's his claims that the Cossacks reached America before Columbus, and Genghis Khan's Mongol empire was really a Russian one, its leader a northern prince with blond hair and blue eyes, that have brought him some big book sales in his own country."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 1:15 PM

 


Interstate rivalry

Four guys are driving across country together - one from Idaho, one from Nebraska, one from Florida, and one from New York.

A short ways down the road, the man from Idaho starts to pull potatoes from his bag and throws them out the window.

The man from Iowa turns to him and asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The man from Idaho says, "We have so many of these damned things in Idaho they're laying around on the ground-I'm sick of looking at them!"

A few miles down the road, the man from Nebraska begins pulling husks of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window.

The man from Florida asks "What are you doing that for?" The Nebraskan replies, "We have so many of these damned things in Nebraska I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.




Tiger, tiger

The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front.

The startled tiger turns around and says, "Hey! Cut it out, alright!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front.

The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, "I said stop it!" The rear tiger says, "sorry," and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the ass of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, "What is it with you, anyway?"

The rear tiger replies, "Well, I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"






THE NEWS

Leno's jokes no laughing matter: "Jay Leno, America's top-rated television comic, has got himself into deep trouble by telling his own jokes. The host of The Tonight Show on NBC returned to the airwaves without his 19 writing staff after a forced two-month absence because of the Hollywood writers' strike. The former stand-up comedian wrote all the material for the show himself - including the customary opening monologue of topical jokes. "I am doing what I did the day I started," he said. "I write jokes and then I wake up my wife in the middle of the night and say, 'Honey, is this funny?' So if this monologue does not work, it's my wife's fault." His candour swiftly provoked controversy as Hollywood insiders accused him of violating the strike rules. Leno, a member of the Writers Guild of America, has supported the stoppage. Before Christmas, he delivered coffee and doughnuts to pickets outside NBC's studio in Burbank, California. On Wednesday's show he said: "The writers are right. I am a writer. I am on the side of the writers." He also joked: "Do you know there are actually more people picketing NBC than watching NBC right now?"


Cellphone will be your boarding pass: "Airline passengers will be able to use their mobile phones as boarding passes as the aviation industry moves to a paperless future. The revolution in air travel is a step closer after carriers settled on a new type of technology that can be used at departure gates across the world. Airlines and airports are eager to minimise delays which have infuriated air travel passengers. Millions of passengers are already downloading boarding passes from the internet before travelling to airports. The passes contain a barcode, similar to those used at supermarket checkouts. Now the technology is in place to send the same barcode to a mobile phone, so passengers can simply place their handsets under scanners at security and departure gates"


Austria: Teens buried speed camera: ""Two Austrian teenagers have been fined 75,000 p[ounds for hacking down and burying a roadside speed camera. Peter Hochstacher and Thomas Moebel, both 19, were snapped by the camera speeding in the town of Lustenau in Austria. They used a pair of axes and a saw they had with them in their car to chop it down and then buried it in a nearby field. But the box was found by a local farmer as he ploughed his land and police who examined it found pictures of the pair on the camera inside and they later confessed to tearing down the device."


Some surprising history: "In early October 1942, Flight Lieutenant Donald McLarty was shot down over Libya on his 199th mission of World War Two. Although he was flying for Britain's Royal Air Force, his uniform was emblazoned with an unexpected word: Argentina. Many foreigners fought for the various Allied air forces, but until now historians have largely focused on pilots from Czechoslovakia, Poland, France and Norway -- all of which were occupied by German forces. Few realize that more than 800 young men from neutral Argentina, some of them schoolboys, rushed to sign up as pilots and then made the long, dangerous trip to Europe by boat.... Some pilots were native Argentines while the surnames of others reveal they were descended from British professionals who helped develop the country's railways, mines and farms.... So many joined the RAF that a special Argentine squadron was created. The motto of 164 Squadron was "Firmes volamos" (Determined We Fly) and its insignia was a British lion in front of a rising sun representing Argentina."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 4:02 PM

 


Some British singles ads:

"I begin each sexual performance with a tympani roll. I find it steadies the ship. Less than buoyant canal-boat dweller, amateur percussionist and bon viveur (M, 57) seeks not-easily intimidated woman to 55 with no small knowledge of crank-shaft engines, blue-note fades and behaviour-correcting medicines. Box no. 12/03."

"Some incidents in life are blacked-out for a reason. Much as I shudder to recall an incident at Dulwich in 1968 involving a goose, a penny whistle and the local priest, so you will probably twist in the wind whenever, in years to come, you are forced to relate a tale about how you once replied to a personal advert in a flurry of mis-placed appreciation for what you regarded at the time as a heightened and sophisticated sense of irony. Man, 40. Hates geese. And priests. And whistling. Box no. 12/05."

"This advert is about as close as I come to meaningful interaction with other adults. Woman, 51. Not good at parties but tremendous breasts. Box no. 12/08."

"This advert may well be the Cadillac of all lonely hearts adverts, but its driver is the arthritic granddad with a catalogue of driving convictions. Arthritic granddad (67) with a catalogue of driving convictions including 'Driving whilst trying to turn the dang wipers off,' 'Driving whilst wondering if his urology appointment has come through,' and 'Driving whilst "Hey! Isn't that where your aunt Maude's first husband lived after the divorce came through? He's settled in Jersey now. I could never stand him - he used to do this thing with his teeth." ' WLTM someone who knows how to stop the oven timer from beeping. Box no. 01/01."

"Don't listen to your inner voice in matters of the heart! Especially if your inner voice tells you to check his outgoing message box for evidence of a wife or ask why he always needs to be on the last train to Stafford instead of just staying the night. It's a simple rule, but it's a rule that will give us many happy - if somewhat tawdry - experiences together. Man, 38. Not in the slightest bit married. Remember that. Box no. 01/05."

"I stole the contents of this ad from a highly successful banker (M, 53, annual income œ500k + benefits) currently appearing on Match.com. It's funny because we honestly couldn't be more different. Unless I was a woman. Or 12. Man. Older than 12 and not really a banker. Box no. 01/06."

"To the guy with the wild grey hair and thin pony tail and bow-tie and white socks and chewed copy of Rimbaud and the lisp and excessive spittle and over-use of the word 'platitudes' and faint odour of taco meat who will no doubt reply to this advert much like he's replied to every other advert I've ever placed in here: 'Eccentric' is only a favourable adjective when it's wrapped in an attractive package or earns over œ200,000 a year and owns a holiday retreat in Tuscany. Other LRB-reading men should also note this. Replies from 'normals' or the stupidly rich only please to woman, 45, currently down to 37 seconds on her 'tolerance of idiots' meter. Box no. 01/08."

"My last husband was a loser. If you're not a loser please reply. Woman, 40. Incredibly simple criteria. Box no. 01/09."

Man of timeless disposition and limitless prospects seeks woman, any age, who knows about grout.

Original here








THE NEWS



Cindy Margolis sex marathon: "Model Cindy Margolis has told how she was so obsessed with having a baby that she launched into a 14-day sex marathon on her honeymoon. The Playboy pin-up once feted as the world's most downloaded woman says she had non-stop sex on the beach, in the ocean, while swimming with dolphins, on a swing, in a tree, on a beach chair, in a cabana, in the woods, and around the coral reef. She also had sex with her husband, Guy Starkman, in the bath tub and even under the snack bar. "But it didn't work. I must be going nuts," she told The New York Post. She became very obsessed. Whenever Margolis thought she was ovulating, she demanded her husband rush home to bed her. She relates: "I would call Guy off the basketball court, out of a meeting, away from a family function, and even home early from a business trip . . . I even told him once that if he didn't get home within 10 minutes and have sex with me, I would find someone else who would." After years of trying, Margolis consulted specialists who recommended in vitro fertilization and surrogacy. In 2002 she gave birth to a son, Nicholas Isaac. Three years later she had twin girls, Sabrina and Sierra, through a surrogate."


Cop 'trips over bungling burglar sleeping on the job': "In a bizarre case of sleeping on the job, a policeman investigating a robbery tripped over an alleged bungling burglar as he snoozed in a home broken into last night. The surprised crime scene cop was gathering evidence and taking photos inside a Fitzroy house after a reported burglary when he literally stumbled across the alleged culprit. A 30-year-old man from Keysborough was swiftly arrested, interviewed and charged with burglary and theft. Victoria Police spokesman Sen-Constable Leigh Wadeson said the man was discovered curled up on a lounge room floor sleeping after allegedly breaking into the home. A householder had reported a burglary at the site after arriving home from work about 6pm. "An officer was having a look around taking photos when he tripped over something on the floor,'' Victoria Police spokesman Sen-Constable Leigh Wadeson said. "The home owner pointed out they didn't know the person.''


Bed bug epidemic hits New York City: "New York City is suffering from an unprecedented epidemic of blood sucking bed bugs, it has emerged. The number of infestations has increased more than tenfold in the last three years and no neighbourhood, no matter how upmarket, is immune. The nocturnal insects once associated with doss-houses and slums are now causing havoc in some of New York's most exclusive districts. Multi-million dollar Central Park apartments and a Broadway theatre are among the buildings affected. "In the last six months, I've treated maternity wards, five-star hotels, movie theatres, taxi garages, investment banks, private schools [and] white-shoe law firms," Jeff Eisenberg, owner of Pest Away Exterminating told the New York Daily News. Bed bugs emerge from woodwork at night to feed on the blood of mammals. When they bite people they leave large, itchy welts on the skin that can cause considerable discomfort. They can be brought into houses on clothing or luggage. The pesticide DDT virtually wiped out bed bugs in the USA in the 1940s and 1950s, but after it was banned infestations increased again."




Ambulance service receives emergency call every 8 seconds as Binge Britain welcomes in 2008: "Binge-drinking revellers fuelled a chaotic start to 2008 as over-stretched ambulance workers battled to cope with emergency calls flooding in at a peak of one every eight seconds. In the capital alone the London Ambulance Service had to deal with its highest number of emergency calls since the Millennium - the majority related to excess alcohol. As midnight came and went there was mayhem as scores of drunken partygoers around the country tumbled into the streets, some wearing little more than their underwear."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 8:33 PM

 


The juggler

A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys' car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.

"Sir," the cop says. "Why do you have all those knives?"

"They're for my juggling act," the man says.

"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Prove it."

So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives.

At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.

"Man," says the first guy. "I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard."






THE NEWS

Anti-smoking chief breaks ban on day one: "The head of the Portuguese agency responsible for enforcing a new ban on smoking in public was seen lighting up at a New Year party, breaking the law on the first day it came into effect. Antonio Nunes, president of Portugal's food standards agency, was photographed by the daily Diario de Noticias smoking a cigar at a casino on the outskirts of Lisbon. Nunes told the daily he was not aware the anti-smoking law, which applies to cafes, restaurants and bars, also included casinos. But a spokesman for the Ministry of Health said it did. "We will have to look into what is in the law," Nunes said."


Boozy thieves: "Two alleged house thieves who knew they were busted decided they might as well enjoy themselves after a botched robbery over the weekend. On Saturday night, police here were called to a break-in at a townhouse. At the back of the home, officers say they spotted a stepladder leading to a broken window. As the thieves started walking out the front of the house, they were confronted by one of the officers. Police say the men then sprinted back inside and slammed the door. Surrounded and with a trip to jail looking inevitable, police say the two men decided to help themselves to the home owner's liquor. Staff Sgt. Kevin Thaler says they started drinking when they saw they were trapped and "were pretty inebriated by the time we got them out."


Condoms 'too big' for Indian men: "A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men. The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms. The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research. Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre. Mr Puri said that since Indians would be embarrassed about going to a chemist to ask for smaller condoms there should be vending machines dispensing different sizes all around the country. "Smaller condoms are on sale in India. But there is a lack of awareness that different sizes are available. There is anxiety talking about the issue. And normally one feels shy to go to a chemist's shop and ask for a smaller size condom."




A 21st century sailing ship: "One of the first large cargo ships in 100 years to cross the Atlantic Ocean with the help of the wind will set off from Europe this month on a voyage that is due to make maritime history. When the 10,000-tonne Beluga SkySail is well clear of land, it will launch a giant kite, which wind tunnel tests and sea trials suggest will tug it along and save 10-15% of the heavy fuel oil it would normally burn. If the journey from Bremen in Germany to Venezuela and back is successful, it could become common to see some of the largest ships in the world towed by kites the size of soccer fields. "This is a serious attempt to reduce bunker (fuel) costs and polluting emissions," said Christine Bornkessel, a spokeswoman for the Bremen-based Beluga shipping line, which has 52 merchant vessels."



(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:47 PM

 


Expressions to avoid

A "surge" of overused words and phrases formed a "perfect storm" of "post-9/11" cliches in 2007, according to a U.S. university's annual list of words and phrases that deserve to be banned. Choosing from among 2,000 submissions, the public relations department at Michigan's Lake Superior State University in Sault Ste. Marie targeted 19 affronts to the English language in its well-known jab at the worlds of media, sports, advertising and politics.

The contributors gave first prize to the phrase "a perfect storm," saying it was numbingly applied to virtually any notable coincidence.

"Webinar" made the list as a tiresome non-word combining Web and seminar that a contributor said "belongs in the same school of non-thought that brought us e-anything and i-anything."

Similarly, the list-makers complained about the absurd comparisons commonly phrased "x is the new y," as in "(age) 70 is the new 50" or "chocolate is the new sex." "Fallacy is the new truth," commented one contributor.

Some words and phrases sagged under the weight of overuse, contributors said, citing the application of "organic" to everything from computer software to dog food.

In the same vein, decorators offering to add "pop" with a touch of color need new words, the list-makers said.

Such phrases as "post 9/11" and "surge" have also outlived their usefulness, they said. Surge emerged in reference to adding U.S. troops in Iraq but has come to explain the expansion of anything.

Other contributors took umbrage at the phrase to "give back" as applied to charitable gestures, usually by celebrities. "The notion has arisen that as one's life progresses, one accumulates a sort of deficit balance with society which must be neutralized by charitable works or financial outlays," one said.

"Back in the day" raised hackles for being applied to recent trends rather than historical events.

Other teenage linguistic indiscretions such as the often meaningless use of "random" and "sweet" raised the ire of list-makers, as did the pointless "it is what it is."

Reporters were chided for skipping out on detail by describing an event or parting as "emotional," and for misapplying "decimate" when they mean annihilate or destroy, not the word's true meaning of to lose a fraction.

Sports announcers were urged to drop "throw under the bus" when assigning blame to a player. "It is a call for the media to start issuing a thesaurus to everyone in front of a camera," a contributor said.

And finally, any self-respecting writer would groan at being labeled a "wordsmith" who engages in "wordsmithing," the list-makers said.

(Original here)







THE NEWS

Batty Britain again: "A convicted criminal has moved in with a married couple against their wishes after giving their address in court as his home. Shane Sims, 19, has spent the last few days living with Brenda and Robert Cole after he was sentenced to a week's curfew for breaching a supervision order. But the couple claim the first they knew about it was when Sims, a friend of their daughter, moved in on Thursday - followed by security contractors who put a box in a bedroom to monitor his movements with an ankle tag. Sims' tag keeps him indoors between 7pm and 7am much to the horror of the Coles, who both have learning difficulties. Mrs Cole, 47, said: "It's turned our lives upside down. "He's taken over the whole place. He sprawls across the sofa and he's always in the bathroom when you need it. "It's an absolute disgrace. They've let a criminal come into our home and there is nothing we can do about it. "How can he get away with giving false details? Can crooks pick anywhere they like and just move in? Who needs to break into a house when the courts will do it all for you?"




The world's first practical flying car? "Experts have designed the world's first practical flying car aimed at frustrated commuters - and it looks like a Reliant Robin. The bizarre three-wheeled vehicle promises relief to motorists stuck in traffic jams by turning into an aircraft capable of soaring up to 4,000ft above congested roads. With a top speed of 125mph on land, the Personal Air and Land Vehicle, or PAL-V, corners like a motorbike by automatically tilting as it negotiates each bend. But hidden in its roof and rear are a foldable rotor, propeller and tail section which allow it to take off and fly at speeds up to 120mph. Its inventors believe that when the the one-seater cars go on sale to the public, they would cost little more than an executive saloon car. When airborne, the PAL-V is similar to the tiny autogyro aircraft Sean Connery flew in the 1967 James Bond movie 'You Only Live Twice'. Called a gyrocopter, the design includes a rotor on the roof to lift it through the air, and a propeller at the rear to provide forward thrust."


Arrested for baggy trousers: "Twenty cops, two dog units and a helicopter rushed to a shopping mall -- to arrest a youth whose jeans were too BAGGY. Frantz Leger's low-hanging trousers breached "rules of common courtesy" according to mall managers. They called cops when some of Leger's family abused staff who refused him admission. Lieutenant Jay Hart -- whose armed unit stormed the mall's food hall in Palm Beach, Florida, said: "His pants were down below his butt. No one goes to the mall and wants to see that. Leger, 20, his parents, sister and two cousins face disorder, assault and resisting arrest charges. But Leger said: "I know I'm not a criminal just because my pants are too low."


Couple happy as clams over pearl find: "A couple in Florida are as happy as clams after finding a rare pearl, possibly worth thousands of dollars, in a plate of the steamed molluscs. George and Leslie Brock stopped at Dave's Last Resort & Raw Bar on Friday after a day at the beach, Fox News reported. Mr Brock had eaten about half a dozen clams when he bit down on something hard - a rare iridescent purple pearl. One expert said the find could be worth thousands. "Few are round and few are a lovely color, so this is rare," said Vermont gemologist Antoinette Matlins. "I think they have found something precious and lovely and valuable." The gems occur most frequently in large New England quahogs, clams known for violet colouring on the inside of their shells."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 6:08 PM

 


Working On The Fourth Husband

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."

"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"

"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."

"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."

"He died of a broken neck."

"A broken neck?"

"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."







THE NEWS

New British dictionary unravels 'politician speak': "A dictionary has been published that promises to translate "politician speak" into plain English. The next time a politician talks of "transformation", turn to page 20 of The 2008 Lexicon, where it will tell you they actually mean "no change". The Centre for Policy Studies, a think tank that has published the 30-page book, dubs their speech 'Newspeak' - a fictional language from the novel 1984 by George Orwell - which has a limited vocabulary to restrict expressions of freedom and democracy. The document wages war against Labour's favourite phrases. "Excellence for all" means "all shall have prizes". Jeremy Paxman [a British TV interviewer] might also be familiar with other entries such as: "Let me finish", which means, "I will continue talking so that you cannot ask any more difficult questions". One entry highlights the squirming by Tessa Jowell, the Culture Secretary, as she announced that the Olympic budget had almost tripled. She said: "The Olympics will be legacy games." According to the CPS, "legacy" means "the next Government will pick up the bill".


God needed a helping hand: "The message flickered into Cindy Fleenor's living room each night: Be faithful in how you live and how you give, the TV preachers said, and God will shower you with riches. And so the 53-year-old accountant from the Tampa, Fla., area pledged $500 a year to televangelist Joyce Meyer. She also wrote checks to flamboyant faith healer Benny Hinn and a local preacher, Paula White. Only the blessings didn't come. Fleenor ended up borrowing money from friends and payday loan companies to buy groceries. At first she believed the explanation given on television: Her faith wasn't strong enough. "I wanted to believe God wanted to do something great with me like he was doing with them," she said. "I'm angry and bitter about it. Right now, I don't watch anyone on TV hardly."


Wrong car : "A passenger in a car driven by a drink driver threw a bottle out of the vehicle - and it smashed the windscreen of an unmarked police car. Police said the passenger had thrown the bottle over the roof of the car he was in - and the bottle smashed the windscreen of an unmarked police car on the Ipswich Motorway at Riverview. They said the police officer managed to remain in control of the police car. Other officers intercepted the car from which the bottle was thrown. "The occupants were surprised to discover they had thrown the bottle at a police car", police said. The man who allegedly threw the bottle has been charged with wilful damage of police property and the driver has been charged with drink driving."


Speedy pedaller kills himself: "The state's holiday road toll has risen to four after a cyclist crashed into a tree while riding down a steep hill. The man, 18, was riding down Gehrke Hill Rd at Summerholm, near Laidley, when he lost control of his mountain bike about 11.45am on Saturday, police said. A witness tried to resuscitate him but he died at the scene."




(And don't forget to catch up with all the Strange Justice before you go)


posted by bussorah at 2:05 PM